Greg Oden's first endorsement- a $3 million deal to appear on a Topps basketball card with Bill Russell.

If you're a hardcore Celtics fan and you see this card, I have to imagine that you are 80% more likely to go on a multi-state killing spree. At a minimum, upon seeing the Oden-Russell card, a hardcore Celtics fan is guaranteed to wet his pants, suckerpunch the nearest Mormon and masturbate to this video, in no particular order. And that's the best case scenario.

When does the Yi Jianlian-Larry Bird card come out?

And when am I going to get a call from RISD to teach graphic arts? My skills are considerable.