Sorry to be so late to the party on this story, but:

Legislators look to take gym class beyond jumping jacks

Gym class used to mean a teacher in sweatpants and jumping jacks.

A coalition of youth advocates is pushing legislation on Beacon Hill to change that stereotype. They want to expand gym class to include a "comprehensive" health curriculum that would mandate lessons in nutrition, interpersonal relationships, sexuality, disease, family life, violence prevention, mental health, and more. The bill would make a 14-component health education program part of the state’s core curriculum that already includes math, science, social studies, foreign language, English, and the arts.

"Providing our children with the tools to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle must begin in our schools, before kids are confronted by choices that can negatively affect their health and well-being," state Senator Edward Augustus, a Worcester Democrat, said in a statement.

Once again, the Mamby-Pamby Parents lobby joins forces with the Busy Bodies of America, in conjunction with the League of Women Worryworts, the Anti-Fun League and Citizens for No Life and formed a giant coalition aimed at eliminating any last shred of childhood from our kids' lives.

They ought to themselves "People United to Severely Sissify our Youth." P.U.S.S.Y.

P.U.S.S.Y. could then spent all its time and all its resources ruining the best parts of school life for millions of normal kids so that the fat kid with glasses who eats paste in the classroom and brings notes to gym so they don't have to participate won't be traumatized by the fact that are completely maladjusted to life in the real world.

Life isn't fair. Some kids can handle being active, some can't. Deal with it. Me and most of my friends couldn't cut it in varsity interscholastic sports, but we could hack gym. In fact, it was the highlight of my athletic life. The high school baseball coach never took a second look at me, but I rocked the house in Bombardment, Crab Soccer and Pickle Ball. Now they want to eliminate my kids' chance at glory so some gym teacher can teach about syphillis?

The only funny thing Woody Allen ever said in his entire career was "Those who cannot do, teach. And those who cannot teach, teach gym."

The only way I sign on for this idea is if the teachers look like former gym teacher/ sexual predator Pamela Rogers.