It was a glorious Wednesday evening in mid-May; just Chamber of Commerce weather. A white New England church stood behind home plate as the kids took their turns at bat. The sun shimmered through the pine needles on the trees that mark the edge of the horse farm beyond the left field fence. Was this heaven? Iowa? It was a Tee Ball game on the South Shore.

As I stood on the field and looked around at the idyllic scene, a thought came to me like a disembodied voice out of the corn field: "Tee Ball has the hottest moms of any kid's sport."

My little son is in Tee Ball. My older boy is in the town equivalent of Little League. And the difference between the mothers is striking.

General appearance:

• Tee Ball: Total MILFage. Kids are five years old, so they're two years into having the time to excercise again. Just getting back into their pre-baby shape.
• Little League: Dumpy hausfrau. Let themselves go years ago.

Uniform:

• TB: Capri pants, sleeveless top.
• LL: Sweats. Fanny pack

General attitude:

• TB: The kids are cute and they're having fun.
• LL: Has no hope of doing anything with their own life; now living vicariously through their kid's athletics.

Reading their minds:

• TB: "The coach is so nice to my Timmy. If he plays his cards right, there's a slim chance I might screw him."
• LL: "If the coach doesn't play Timmy more, there's a 99% chance I'll go behind his back and screw him."

Demeanor:

• TB: Sexy
• LL: Surly

Defining personality trait:

• Charm
• Hoplessness

Hobbies:

• Pilates
• Vodka/ Complaining about the coach.

Let me conclude my asking a question: Is it sick and twisted to be thinking thinking about how hot the moms are in the middle of coaching their kids? Do all guys think like this?