Random Thoughts

If you’re a non-athletic hot chick in today’s world and want to get involved in the sports industry, specifically on-the-field type stuff, I don’t think anyone would disagree that Ring Card Girls and NFL Cheerleaders are firmly at the top of the ladder.  However Tier 2, a.k.a. “The BC tier”, is now officially up for debate. 

Back in the old days (2005), Tier 2 was strictly made up of NBA dancers, SkyDome Waitresses and Kelly the Ball Girl, but just checking out japersrink.com, I think we can finally throw the NHL “Ice Girls” into the Tier 2 debate... (My rankings are below; hold cursor over pic for team name)

My official ranking - Nashville, Carolina, Boston, Florida, Tampa Bay, Dallas.

Bonus Coverage: Bruins #2, Islanders

I feel like the father in Family Feud when everybody is yelling out answers and I go on my own, essentially flipping-off my entire family. Actually I used to do that at trivia every week, but this is different - we've been getting lots of good suggestions for "Great Cougar Anthems" but I'm going on my own here with Journey's "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'". Freakin cougars love this song. Why? Because A., it's Journey, but B., because cougars love feeling like they're "a part" of the song. The 12 straight minutes of "Nahh nah, nah nahh nah" was clearly written by Journey specifically so cougars could sing along, wave their hands, sky-punch, show their tits, etc. Whatever it takes to make them feel a part of the whole operation.

If you've been keeping score at home, you know that Eddie Money's "Shakin'" is currently in the lead as the "Greatest Cougar Anthem of All Time" with a 7.1. Not to sway the vote or anything, but I'm thinking this song has a legitimate shot of overtaking Mr. $.

Time to rate Journey's "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'".

Thanks to "the internet" for the pics...

If there was such a thing as the Washington Generals of professional football, it would be the Glasgow Diamonds. (Thanks to Lil Jon Maldives)

Anyone that knows Barstool Sports knows that first and foremost we're humanitarians. In the four years that we've been in business, I would ballpark the number of lives we've saved somewhere in the range of 12,000 and that doesn't include the time we organized a daring rescue of our fathers- all Navy Seals- who were being held in a North Korean prison after their secret mission went terribly wrong. The government wouldn't do anything to help them so we stepped up, mounted an invasion and brought all our dads home alive.

Which is why it makes sense for Barstool Sports to work with our friends at Tickets-for-Charity.

Tickets-for-Charity works with nonprofits and gets access to hard-to-find sports and concerts tickets (directly from the teams and concert tours) and resells them. The tickets sell for more than face value- like every other ticket broker or scalper in the free world- but they donate whatever the additional amount is to charity. Their prices are very reasonable for a very good reason- They're a bunch of do-gooders and they're not looking to drive away customers. They don't want to have to look some sick kid in the eye and tell him he's going to die because they were trying to make an extra $10.

Tickets-for-Charity has a relationship with the Sox and they get access to the tickets that are freakin' impossible to find like Monster Seats and the Right Field Budweiser seats for every game. They update their inventory every month and have tickets for this upcoming homestand (and for all the games until the end of June). When you buy Sox tickets from TFC, you'll be making a donation to the Red Sox Foundation and if you have a smart accountant, I'm betting you can even write it off.

Give them a call at 1-866-567-4576 to get information on tickets for the upcoming Sox homestand and games down the road.

They're good people. And most importantly, they read Barstool Sports.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lindsay Lohan made David Letterman's heart beat faster when she told him she plays a stripper in her next film, "I Know Who Killed Me." "You're just gonna kill me, you know I have a heart condition. You're just gonna kill me," the CBS' "Late Show" host said Wednesday night. The 20-year-old actress said the audience will be seeing "a lot" of her in the "really dark, scary film." Lohan also said she took lessons for the role. "It's really difficult to get yourself up there," she said.

This better not be another PG-13 movie where the stripper comes out in a bikini, dances around a little then walks off stage. What ever happened to strippers who actually stripped? When was the last time we saw that? Demi Moore? Bullshit. If she strips it all off then at least they might sell a few DVDs. (Thanks to Charles Kane)

Everyone knows the song "Oh Yeah" by Yello as it has been used in more TV shows, commercials and movies than any other song that UB can recall. But which is the best use of the song? While many of you will say it is the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off on the bus, UB has selected these two "Oh Yeah" clips for a championship showdown:

1. The Secret of My Success: The Limo

Secret of My Success is an underrated 80s comedy. Michael J. Fox spends the entire film climbing the corporate ladder, by nailing his rich uncle's wife. Better known as The Jerry Thornton Story.

2. She's Out of Control: The Beach

This forgotten 80s comedy features Tony Danza as a stressed out dad who is watching his daughter, um, develop right before his eyes.

The Winner:

Gotta go with She's Out of Control. Ami Dolenz was an absolute smokeshow at this point.

Bonus: Duffman

LOWELL (FOX25, myfoxboston.com)  --  A Lowell substitute teacher is accused of making a list of students to have sex with. The accusation is that he kept a detailed journal of hundreds of students in the Lowell area, describing what he wanted to do with them -- sexually.

Dude, who hasn’t made a bang list before?   I bet 99% of office buildings in downtown Boston have bang lists circulating around the building.  I mean what else is there to do all day when you’re sitting in a cube besides talking about what co-workers you’d like to fuck the most.    The problem this guy had besides the fact it’s High School is that he wrote what he wants to do to each girl.    That’s just getting sloppy.   If it was just a list of names the teacher could always say it was a list of girls he thought needed help with math.   

As a side note, do you sneaky thing that girls who weren’t on the bang list were insulted?  I’m guessing yes.   Everybody wants to be told they’re desirable even if it’s from the creepy substitute teacher with the bang list.

- El Presidente

Later this summer, me and two of my brothers are heading up to Alaska to visit our other brother. Needless to say this is going to be the most manly thing I've done since the time I caught that mouse in the broom closet. I expect the testerone level will be so high I'm going to make Bear Grylls look like Andy Dick.

Here's what I'm talking about. When you live around here, and a raccoon pawing through your garbage constitues wildlife, it's hard to wrap your brain around the idea of a frickin' bear eating a frickin' moose in your frickin' driveway. But it is pretty cool to see. If this ever happens to you, basic etiquette says you should leave the town Animal Control officer a nice tip for taking Bullwinkle away.

Michael Vick just bought the rights to the bear's next fight.

That can't be a gun, because it would have gone off by now...

Blender - - John Melloncamp Interview: What do you like more, Indy racing or basketball?
stephen.persa, Burlington, VT
Well, my wife was the first female to drive the Indianapolis 500 pace car, which is pretty neat — particularly when you know that she can’t drive. But I’d definitely say basketball. I’ve known Larry Bird since we were kids. When he was on the Celtics and I was playing in Boston, he and Kevin McHale would come to my dressing room after the show and smoke me under the table.

What? Did John Cougar just say that Larry would come by his room and puff the magic dragon? Everyone knew that McHale and Walton were potheads, but Larry Legend? UB thought he was just a beer drinker...Wasn't the general consensus that Larry and Kevin only hung-out on the court?

It would explain that "Big 33" McDonald's burger. That thing was a late night reefer addict's dream...

It was a glorious Wednesday evening in mid-May; just Chamber of Commerce weather. A white New England church stood behind home plate as the kids took their turns at bat. The sun shimmered through the pine needles on the trees that mark the edge of the horse farm beyond the left field fence. Was this heaven? Iowa? It was a Tee Ball game on the South Shore.

As I stood on the field and looked around at the idyllic scene, a thought came to me like a disembodied voice out of the corn field: "Tee Ball has the hottest moms of any kid's sport."

My little son is in Tee Ball. My older boy is in the town equivalent of Little League. And the difference between the mothers is striking.

General appearance:

• Tee Ball: Total MILFage. Kids are five years old, so they're two years into having the time to excercise again. Just getting back into their pre-baby shape.
• Little League: Dumpy hausfrau. Let themselves go years ago.

Uniform:

• TB: Capri pants, sleeveless top.
• LL: Sweats. Fanny pack

General attitude:

• TB: The kids are cute and they're having fun.
• LL: Has no hope of doing anything with their own life; now living vicariously through their kid's athletics.

Reading their minds:

• TB: "The coach is so nice to my Timmy. If he plays his cards right, there's a slim chance I might screw him."
• LL: "If the coach doesn't play Timmy more, there's a 99% chance I'll go behind his back and screw him."

Demeanor:

• TB: Sexy
• LL: Surly

Defining personality trait:

• Charm
• Hoplessness

Hobbies:

• Pilates
• Vodka/ Complaining about the coach.

Let me conclude my asking a question: Is it sick and twisted to be thinking thinking about how hot the moms are in the middle of coaching their kids? Do all guys think like this?

Nobody has a chance at this one so I'm just going to come right out with the answer. This is Pat's cheerleader Ashleigh Van Gerven. I felt it was my duty to post this picture after the debacle that was the Pat's Cheerleading photo gallery yesterday on Boston.com. Listen, if Boston.com won't give the people what they want than I will.

Here are some more photos from Ashleigh's photobucket page.

(Thanks to Don Chavez for the tip)

Every now and again on myspace, we get emails from Dudes who can't seem to figure out that we are a men's newspaper. They send us a message thinking we are actually the girl who is on our cover. I got this message yesteday from the guy on the right. He had me at hello.

"hello BEAutiful wats good just stopping bay to say hi & how good u look uuuuuuuuuuuummm just sayin hi mwahh :)"

Don Banks of SI.com has several sources close to Michael Vick who are saying, anonymously, that Vick was in up to his shoulder pads on the dog fighting ring that got busted at his house in Virginia. That would be the dog fighting ring with the 70 dogs. The one he knew nothing about. At the house he owns. The one he's never been to.

"He knows what's going on in that house in Virginia,'' one source said. "There's not a doubt in my mind he's involved with it.'' The other source cited Vick's longtime "affinity'' for the dog-fighting subculture, and expressed certainty that Vick was aware of what was happening at the house.

The parts of this story that sicken me are too numerous to list. Vick's "I have a mansion, forget the price/ I never been there, they tell me it's nice" defense. The fact that the people he set up to live in the place and breed the dogs ratted him out to SI the first chance they get. The dogs? Yeah, I guess I should feel bad for the dogs, but it's not these were my old Springer Spaniel, Winston the Wonder Dog. I mean, these were undoubtedly Pit Bulls, and as long as they're attacking each other, they're too preoccupied to make my sorry ass part of a nutritious breakfast.

But the sickest thought of this story is that here's Michael Vick; a superstar, a multi-millionaire, a guy with virtually unlimited resources to indulge any pleasure he could possibly have, so what does he do? Golf every day? Fly jets? Yatching? Fill his house with 21 year old bisexual chicks and 5,000 gallons of Jell-O? In other words, the things any normal guy would do? No. Ron Mexico likes to watch dogs bite each other.

Suddenly I've got a new found respect for Curt Schilling's World of Warcraft jones.

FRAMINGHAM, Mass. -- Several female students at Framingham State College are accused of stealing about one-thousand copies of the student newspaper, apparently because they thought they looked fat in a front page picture.

A school official says the women face possible disciplinary action.

The color photo in "The Gatepost" shows seven female students at a women's lacrosse game wearing tank tops and shorts with the name of a player spelled out on their bare bellies.

Soon after the paper was distributed around campus, about half its two-thousand-copy press run disappeared.

Okay here is my first question.    Can you steal a free newspaper?   I’m guessing the Framingham State College newspaper is free right?   Because if you can sue people for stealing free newspapers than El Pres may have just found a new revenue stream.   

Anyway, who do these girls think they are? You can't wear belly shirts and than cry that you look fat! And let's not play dumb here either. No chick would be caught dead in that outfit if she really believed she was chunky. But being the humanitarian that I am, I say let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.    If they want to hit the gym and peel off those shorts, I’ll happily put them on the cover of the Stool to redeem themselves.     Although truth be told I don’t think any of these girls look fat in the picture.    Maybe the 2^nd to last girl could use a couple minutes in the tanning booth, but for the most part these chicks look like some of Framingham State’s finest.

What do people think of this whole Curt Schilling saga?  In case you’ve been living in a cave here is the nuts and bolts of what happened.  The following recap is courtesy of Boston.com

A contrite Curt Schilling today issued a public apology for his scathing comments on Giants slugger Barry Bonds, writing on his blog that it was “absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did.”

“Everyone has days and events in life they’d love to push the rewind button on, yesterday was one of those days,” Schilling’s blog entry began. “Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything Barry Bonds it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did. I don’t think it’s within anyone’s right to say the things I said yesterday and affect other peoples lives in that way.”

In response to a question about Bonds’s pursuit of Hank Aaron’s home run record during a radio interview on WEEI yesterday, Schilling said Bonds “admitted that he used steroids” and to “cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game.” He added, “I don’t care that he’s black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It’s unfortunate… there’s good people and bad people. It’s unfortunate that it’s happening the way it’s happening.”

The harsh criticism got national attention, and has been fodder for reporters, radio talk show callers, bloggers, and Internet message board posters over the last 24 hours.

Schilling cited the early hour of the interview in his apology, though he didn’t use it as an excuse.

“I’d love to tell you I was ambushed, misquoted, misinterpreted, something other than what it was, but I wasn’t,” Schilling wrote. “I’m thinking that waking up at 8:30 am to do the weekly interview we do with WEEI is probably not the greatest format and if you heard the interview it’s not hard to realize that I’m usually awake about 30-45 seconds before it begins. That’s still no excuse or reason to say what I did, or even answer the question that was asked.”

I decided that I had to weigh in on this Schilling controversy when I tuned into Sportscenter and saw Bob Ryan and Jay Mariotti absolutely blasting Curt for his comments regarding Barry Bonds.   In my opinion, this whole controversy has nothing to do with what Schilling said. Instead this all boils down to the traditional media seizing an opportunity to try and bury a guy who they despise.   A guy they despise not because of his personality (which I’m not a huge fan of either) but rather because of what he represents.

Curt Schilling is a pioneer in the way he uses technology to communicate with the fans.   First it was Sons of Sam Horn and now it’s his well publicized blog.    By leveraging the internet, Schilling has basically eliminated the need for the traditional sports reporter.   Schilling doesn’t talk with the Boston media, yet we know more about what he thinks and feels than any other player on the team.   How would that make you feel if you were Dan Shaugnessy and you think the only way Red Sox fans should be able to learn about the team is through your pen?    You’d be scared.   It’s no secret that traditional newspapers are dying because of the Internet.   The same can be said for the traditional sports reporter.   They are already fighting a losing battle against the Bill Simmons’s of the world, as well as all the blogs and sports websites, but what would ever happen if players started communicating directly with fans?  The traditional sports reporter would become extinct overnight. 

And in my opinion, that’s the only reason Curt’s comments became such an inflammatory story.  The media is trying to bury and discredit a guy who poses a threat to their way of life.    If Derek Jeter ripped Barry Bonds do you think anybody would attack Jeter?  Of course not.   I mean what did Schilling say that was so volatile?  Schilling didn’t say anything that people didn’t already know.  Yet he is getting crushed for it.   Again, I don’t pretend to love Curt Schilling, but let’s call a spade a spade.   The media has an ax to grind with Curt Schilling and that’s all this story is about.  The only thing that was surprising to me was that Schilling apologized and I think he did that just so this wouldn’t be a prolonged controversy.

WHDH - There was a disturbance during opening night for the Boston Pops. Boston police confirmed Wednesday night that two people had to be escorted out of the concert. We're told by those inside that a fight broke out on the balcony over some kind of seat issue. It got so bad that ushers called for police and two people were told to leave.

A fight broke out at the Boston Pops?    Are you fucking serious?   Maybe I could understand if it was at the Esplanade on the 4^th of July, but not at Symphony Hall.   And it got so bad that the ushers had to call the cops?   What did somebody throw tea in somebody’s face or something?   Has anybody ever seen a fight at a weirder venue than this?

As a side note, I love the guy sitting down on the left.  He’s acting like he’s in his living room watching this fight on HBO.

Thanks to the people who sent this link.

I don't know if this video makes me happy or depressed.

On one hand, you can never say no to watching some classic Big Bad Bruins highlights. And it should be against the law to pass up the chance to watch Bobby Orr in action.

But on the other hand, you can't help but compare the 1970 Bruins and the 2007 version. Really, the only thing they have in common is they both play in Boston. That's about it.

It's too nice out to start thinking about how irrelevant the Bruins have become. Let's watch some more Orr highlights.

-thanks to Section 40 for reminding everyone that the Bruins used to be really, really good

Submit your requests to ub@barstoolsports.com

Kevin Millar is about to appear on WAAF to apologize or something for this video. Not really sure why anyone would be offended by it, but according to the AAF morning show there are a bunch of Sox fans up in arms over this.

In the week since its release, "Spiderman 3" has earned more at the box office than Roger Clemens has his entire career. I may actually be the last man in America who hasn't seen it, but it's not for lack of trying; I just simply haven't made it to the Giganto-plex yet.

Until I do, I'll have to satisfy my inner nerd some other way. The only way that a rational mind would: By organizing the Marvel Superheroes according to their best football positions, comparing them to their all time Patriots' equivalent, making a defense out of the Supervillains, and coming up with their comparable all Patriots-Killer players.

Somehow, it all makes perfect sense to me.

OFFENSE (Good Guys)

QB: Captain America
Everything you want in a QB. Unquestionable leadership qualities. Makes those around him play better. Great in the clutch. Not super fast, but very agile and able to move under pressure. Very accurate arm when throwing his mighty shield.
Equivalent Patriots Player: Tom Brady

RB: Iron Man
Tough. Durable. Able to withstand the hits. Also fast and strong. Has the power to hit the hole and the burst of speed to break it outside. Very smart.
EPP: Curtis Martin

FB: Nick Fury
Nasty as they come. Plays with a mean streak. Also versatile; can discern a defense's weakness and exploit it. Unparalleled ability to stop an opponent from getting to the man he needs to protect. Can also catch.
EPP: Sam Gash

WR: The Human Torch
Can flat-out fly. Speed to burn.
EPP: Stanley Morgan

WR: Spiderman
Not great speed, but good agility. Good as a slot receiver. Intelligent. Excellent presence, can sense pressure and get open. Great, great hands. Can hold onto anything. Capable of helping out on defense as he can cling to an opponent and tie him up.
EPP: Troy Brown

Click here to see the rest of this nerdfest...

The list ranks the Top 10 Sports-Related South Park episodes and by sports-related, I count something as a sport if ESPN ever televised it. Which pretty much includes every quasisport in the history of mankind. Baseball, football, dodgeball, skiing, video games, body-building, spelling bees- they all make the cut. Hell, I even stretched the definition of "sport" to include "hockey."

It's a safe bet that you're about as fun as Spring Break in Darfur if you don't laugh your ass off at these episodes. And if you don't think the top two choices on this list are funny then you may be clinically dead and should consult a physician.

Click on the picture to watch the episode.

10. Asspen- Stan gets challenged to a ski race and must win in order to save the youth center, get the girl, and free the trapped spirits of the Wakacha Vampire Indians.

9. Tweek vs. Craig- The boys take Shop class and try to set-up a fight between Tweek and Craig. Jimbo and Ned teach Tweek boxing and Cartman has Craig instructed in the art of Sumo.

8. Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride- Jimbo and Ned attempt to sabotage a football game against a rival elementary school. 

7. Make Love, Not Witchcraft- The boys dedicate their lives to defeating a mad gamer and saving the World of Warcraft.

6. Weight Gain 4000- Cartman tries to bulk up using "Weight Gain 4000".

Click here to watch the Top 5 Sports-Related South Park episodes...