This is way better than if fatty went back to the Astros. Seriously, isn't it fun to have Roger back on New England's Most Hated list? UB was there. At Fenway Park during his last regular season appearance in Boston. Along with everyone else in the Park, UB was on his feet applauding a fantastic career, even if it ended with the Yankoffs. This time around, there's a better chance of UB throwing a battery.

Hey Dr. Charles: Put away the plans for a Rocket Number Retirement. No more cleaning off the space on the left of Pudge and the right of Ted. Go ahead and give 21 to a September call up. This time fuck-o picked New York.

It's amazing to think, the day after, that he would have come back to Boston. He wasn't doing it for a ring or history or his family or boyfriend-Andy...It was for the money. His agents smelled how desperate the Yankoffs were, got a bid and still called the Red Sox to see what they would be offering. As Mike Lupica described Clemens, he's a hired gun. The Sox are one of a few teams that could put up serious money to compete with the Yankoffs offer and they just weren't going to be able to blow New York out of the water the way they did with Dice-K.

UB may be crazy, but how can Clemens possibly be anything close to what he was in Houston while with the Yankoffs? He's turning 45, he's not facing the weak ass NL line ups, he can only go 5-6 tops anyway and is adding another month of work more than he's been used to for years. And he's gonna have a welt from UB's batter in the back of his head to boot...

UB's favorite Clemens Lies:

1996: "I want to pitch closer to home"

1996: "I'll only play two places, Houston or Boston."

2000: "I thought it was the ball!"

2003: "This is my farewell tour."

2007: "I want to bring a championship to New York."

2007: "I want to help teach these young kids."