Random Thoughts

This photos disproves one theory I've always had about pole vaulters and that is that they couldn't have boobs. I guess I was wrong. Anyway, cross another potential friend of Allison's list.

Thanks to Corey for the photo

In an earlier post Jamie Chisholm said that if the Stool ever folds he could envision me becoming a professional powder puff coach.     Truer words have never been spoken.  It’s a known fact that I am the greatest Powder Puff coach of all time. Under my tutelage we scored the most points, had the most passing yards and the biggest margin of victory in history of the sport.   The only bad part was that the game got out of hand so fast that I couldn’t use lots of the trick plays I had developed.  (The refs said they’d call a 15 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct and kick me out if I used any of them in the 2^nd half)   

Therefore in many respects my trick plays went to waste.  And I’ve never told anybody about my best trick play until today because I wanted to keep it under wraps just in case I somehow found myself at the helm of another power puff team.   Sadly I don’t think that’s ever going to happen so after 12 years of silence it’s time to reveal my brainchild.

In a nutshell this is what it was.   I had all the girls line up in a normal formation.    The center snaps the ball to the QB and nobody moves.   Everybody just sits there like nothing is happening except the QB is now holding the ball under center.  Next my wing back raises her hand and makes a commotion like she doesn’t know where she is supposed to line up.   Basically she acts all confused and stuff until she finally walks toward the QB to ask her a question.   The QB turns around and walks toward the wing back and they meet for a discussion with their backs towards the line of scrimmage.   The QB puts her arm around the wing back and hands the ball to her and then walks back under center.    The Wing Back walks towards the sideline like she is splitting out as a WR.   Still nobody else on the offense is moving.  Then the QB lines up under center and starts calling out signals again.  Meanwhile the wing back just takes off downfield and scampers 80 yards for a TD and nobody even knows what the hell happened.  

I know, I know.  It’s freaking brilliant right!    There is 0% chance this doesn’t work.  The whole premise of this play was built upon the belief that girls don’t really watch the ball on defense.  They wait for the players in front of them to move and then they move.  And if by chance there was one cocky wise ass chick on defense who did watch the ball and happened to come across the line of scrimmage my offensive line was instructed to point at them and yell that they were offsides.    There is no way a chick would have been able to overcome this peer pressure.  

And yes we did run this play in a scrimmage for a TD.   I even told our defensive coordinator that it was coming and he preached all practice long to watch the ball to his defense.  But it didn’t help.   I’m telling you it is impossible to stop.  It’s my greatest invention of all time and that includes Barstool Sports.

So even though I already know the answer is a 10, I'm asking the Stoolies to rate my trick play.

Thanks to Kevin for the pic of the tshirt. This chick is going to be the next big thing for sure.

So I finally played the Mass Lottery’s new NASCAR Keno game last night and I’m proud to report - it sucks.  

If you haven’t seen it, the way NASCAR Keno works is there’s 12 animated stock cars you can bet on which race around I think 2 laps.  You can bet win, place or show, exactas or trifectas.   The first game I played I tried to shoot the moon and hit the 900-1 trifecta with a 3-5-7 combo.  Cost $6.  Well halfway through the 2^nd lap – my freakin 3 car wiped out! (see above)  Nobody was hurt or anything but it still sucked seeing your cartoon Keno car crash. 

Obviously I lost that race, the next race I fired off a win-place-show on the 8 car and it came in last.  All in all, it was stupid.  You have to wait 10 minutes in between races too, which is even worse. Everybody knows 10 minutes in Keno time is like 10 HOURS in real life.

Anyway, I’m giving a rating of -15 Stoolies to NASCAR Keno.  It sucks.

Barstool recommends: Not playing Keno.

First of all, how dumb are these other four girls in the above picture? Why would you ever let yourself get photographed with this smokeshow? Only bad things can happen like ending up on barstoolsport.com. or developing an eating disorder. It's also rule #1 on why pretty girls never have friends. Who wants to get their self esteem demolished on a regular basis?

Anyway does this chick count for the hottest active athlete in the world competition?  Apparently Allison Stokke set the Freshman record for the pole vault this year at Cal.    El Pres is a HUGE fan!   And the weird thing is that she and I have a ton in common.  Just look at this interview question;

Q: What do you enjoy doing outside the sport and school? (full interview)

A: I like going to the beach, meeting with friends, going to Starbucks and going to concerts.

I like going to the beach too! 

Thanks to Mike and Frank for the tips.  

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, a day in which we observe Mexican Independence Day, even though Mexico declared it's independence from Spain on September 15, 1810.

Whatever. It's a friggin' excuse for Americans to drink. Count me among those who's knowledge of Mexican history extends as far as sticking a lime wedge in a beer bottle and my lifelong quest to find the perfect Margarita.

Still I feel a little guilty; ignorance is never a good thing. Mexico should mean more to us than just Michael Vick's alias. So I did a little research and found these significant dates in Mexican history:

1535. Spain establishes a colonial government in Mexico, which pretty much came as a surprise to the Mayans and Aztecs who kind of felt like they already had some. Spanish becomes the primarily language of the region and 434 years later is spoken by Salma Hayek.

1535-1790. Three centuries of Spanish rule. The population goes from 25 million to less than six million mostly due to European diseases. God, in his infinite wisdom, spares Jessica Alba's ancestors.

To see the next two hundred years, click here...

This is a real photo. Seriously. It was in the lastest issue of Vanity Fair. Ok, I get that Bruce Willis is cool with the fact Ashton Kutcher, a man half his age, married and is banging his ex wife. I understand that Willis and Demi are still friends. That's all fine and dandy, but come on. Nobody wants to see their ex girlfriend let alone ex wife take a dick right in front of them. This picture is just flat out weird.

I have absolutely no doubt what El Presidente will do.

He'll coach chick's flag football in Florida.

Sports Illustrated did a short story on the growing sport this week and there's no question that El Prez is already debating whether to stick it out with Barstool Sports or follow his heart and coach chick's flag football.

If you don't know, Dave considers himself the single greatest coaching mind in the history of powder puff football. He never lost as the coach of the Swampscott High School powder puff squad- a sparkling 1-0 record- and he will happily explain to you how he molded a bunch of 17 year old girls into The Steel Curtain of Vaginas. Honestly, ask him about the playbook he drew up. He'll tell you to huddle up and take a knee.

It will be a tough choice for Dave. I mean, this Brianna Lauer chick that was featured in the SI article looks like a player. And if I were to come up with a list of up-and-coming hot female athletes, hypothetically of course, she would be right up near the top of the rankings. Because I'm not sure that she's 18 and girls don't become legally attractive until they're 18.

No.

Inside Track - It’s “Lights, Camera, Idiots!” for HBO, which is making a six-part miniseries about the 2004 World Champion Red Sox[ team stats], a dramatization of the storybook season that finally brought an end to Boston’s miserable 86-year World Series drought. Based on the Stephen King/Stewart O’Nan book “Faithful: Two Diehard Boston Red Sox Fans Chronicle the Historic 2004 Season,” the miniseries will feature actors portraying real-life Red Sox heroes Johnny Damon, Curt Schilling [ stats], Theo Epstein, David Ortiz[ stats], Kevin Millarand the rest of the merry band of Idiots.

“I think it’s a great story to do, a story that transcends sports,” producer and Sox co-owner Tom Werner told the Track. “I think we can make a movie that is not just attractive to sports fans, but to people who don’t really follow baseball, and I think that will be good for baseball and good for the Red Sox too.” Werner said he has already cast the miniseries - in his head.

 “Adrian Grenier will play Theo, James Woods will play John Henry, Clive Owen will play Larry Lucchino and George Cloon

Six parts!    Are you shitting me?   This is what makes me hate the new ownership group.   They can never leave well enough alone.   First of all, I feel like you need to wait 20 years before you start making videos about championship seasons.  Everybody should be retired before a movie like this is made.   It seems pretty freaking lame to be making this movie 10 minutes after you won the thing and all the players are still active.   And do you really need to make this a miniseries?  Shouldn’t this be like a 1 hour documentary on HBO with real highlights and real players and real interviews?     This is just another dumb idea that makes people hate Red Sox fans and Red Sox fans hate Red Sox Fans.  Enough already.

When: May 5th
Time: 8pm
Where: The Greatest Bar

Our Cinco De Mayo party is taking place at The Greatest Bar in roughly 24 hours. This is the perfect event for all those pussies out there who always complain we only do our events on weekdays. This has all the makings of the best day of the year since it is also Derby Day.

The Cinco De Mayo Fiesta is going to feature the following:

- Live Mariachi Band
- Swimsuit Fashion Show by Ria Fashions
- Body Painting by Gin C Productions
- Music Provided by DJ E Devious
- Casting Call
- Barstool Girls

If you'd like to request to be added to the guest list please send an email to cinco@barstoolsports.com

Invite only with dog tag or Guest List.

Every now and again it's fun to pull things from the Barstool vault and replay them. Bon refreshed my memory of this classic video that is worthy of repeat blogging.

Last night concluded one of the most entertaining NBA series in a couple years as Golden State became the first 8 seed in the history of the NBA to win a 7 game series.   And El Pres watched every minute of every game.     I guess that’s the benefit of being able to sleep kind of late because most of the games ended around 1:30 am EST.   Anyway, my guess is that I was the only person in Boston who was watching which is a shame.    I feel like people in Boston love to say that the NBA sucks.  But for all those people who bash the NBA around here, trust me when I say you have no idea what you’re talking about.  The NBA still has a great product and if the Celtics can get back into the mix, I guarantee that it will become just as hot a ticket as the Red Sox and Patriots. 

As for the Golden State upset, I was totally stunned by the result.   I had Dallas winning the Championship this year.   They’ve really been the best team in the league the past two seasons.  But for some reason they suck against Golden State.  And it wasn’t just in this series.   Golden State beats them almost every time they play.    I’ve really never seen anything like it where the best team in the league just can’t beat a middle of the road team for some reason.    Going into the series I kind of thought the fact that Dallas had struggled with Golden State was a fluke and I would have bet my house on the Mavs to win this in 5 games at the most.  But by game 4, I was convinced that Dallas had no shot at winning the series.    And what the hell happened to Dirk Nowitzki?    I was totally drinking the Dirk cool aide.   I’ve seen him play a million times and he’s virtually unstoppable almost all the time. Hell Cedric Maxwell said he thought Dirk was better than Larry Bird.    But you can throw all that out the window as Dirk did one of the great disappearing acts in the history of the NBA Playoffs.  That in itself was fascinating to watch.   Mix in a little Charles Barkley and his ongoing battle with the city of Oakland and it was truly great entertainment.  

 (As a side note, this series presented some of the easiest gambling opportunities of all time as Dallas was favored in every game this series even thought it was obvious they weren’t as good.)  

Double Side Note - Is that Larry Walker taunting Mark Cuban?

You can feel the first subtle hint of the Dice-K Hype Backlash starting already. I was out with some friends last night, not the biggest sports fans and for the first time I heard, "Can you believe he's getting all that money and he stinks" or words to that effect. Even worse, they segwayed into the old tired lament I thought we chloroformed thre Octobers ago: "He'll do nothing for us for a couple of years, then he'll go to the Yankees and win the Cy Young award."

Siiigh. And thus it begins. First couple of pebbles move. Then a few stones dislodge. Rocks slide. Then it's an avalanche. When all the negative jagoffs, all the haters, the people who equate following the Red Sox with wallowing in pain and misfortune who haven't had a clue what to do with themselves once they found out people no longer give a goddamned about what Babe Ruth did or didn't do with his piano back in 1920's Sudbury once again get to find something to bitch about.

You had to see it coming. It was inevitable. The Sox won the Dice-K bid in November during one of the slowest news months on the sports calendar. The coverage was, I won't say "excessive," but I will call it "massive." The national press was wall-to-wall Dice-K. The Sox contimplated starting NESN2 because 24 hours a day just wasn't enough time. And you had to feel that anything less than 1999 Pedro there were Nazis in the woodpile that were just waiting to jump out and scream "Bust!"

I'm not joining the chorus. Matsuzaka will be fine. Seriously, how many hard hit balls has he given up so far? He's had problems with control that have been henteko to say the least. It seems like once a game lately he's been good for one inning, like last night's first, that last longer than a 4th grade recorder concert.

But the guy can hurl. We've been told he's got six pitches he can throw on any count. My eyes tell me he's throwing four of them consistently right now. All he's got to do is iron out the weird little yips with his control, and he'll be lights out. I stuck by Coco when the whole world wanted him shipped to Greenville. I refused to quit on Varitek. And now I'm going on record saying by Mother's Day, Dice-K will be one of the top five pitchers in baseball. And then the kuritikku will shut the hell up.

Apparently the Hoff's daughter video-taped him shitfaced and then sold it to Entertainment tonight. To quote the great Lawrence Taylor... The Hoff "was set up like a motherfucker"

Thanks to mcm21078 for the tip

Local boxing expert Alex Thompson of Irish-Boxing.com breaks down De La Hoya-Mayweather

I nearly drove off the road the other night when I heard a prominent national sports writer say on the radio that De La Hoya-Mayweather could be the last great fight in boxing. Not true. Not even close. But then this writer said this could be the last time a boxing match captures the fascination of sports fans who are not fight fans. I can’t argue with that as much as I’d like to. The sport I love has been fading away over the last decade. Not because there aren’t great fighters or great matchups anymore; there are plenty. It's because the public has lost interest due to factors such as four men in a weight class wearing shiny belts that say World Champion. Or how about the fact there are 17 weight classes…or is it 18? I dream about the fight game when I sleep and think about it all day and even I find the whole mess confusing and even embarrassing at times. The sound of a speed bag is like music to my ears and the sight of dried blood on a ring canvas where men share measures of courage only known by those who get in the ring is nothing short of beautiful in my eyes. I love this game. And I love that this Saturday night the whole world will be watching a fight that might just be the most anticipated matchup in 25 years.

If you go back far enough in this country, boxing was as popular as baseball. Everyone knew who the Heavyweight Champ was. In fact, at one time there were just eight weight classes and when they called you World Champion it actually meant something. By my math there are now 68 fighters who call themselves "World Champion" right now. But only one of them is truly fit to wear that title.

Floyd Mayweather is pound for pound the best fighter in the world. Oscar De La Hoya is arguably the most popular fighter of this generation. What has eluded Oscar is that one career defining moment. If you tell me he had that moment stolen from him by three blind judges in his fight with Felix Trinidad I would agree. If you tell me his first fight with Shane Mosley could have gone either way I would say maybe. If you tell me he didn’t get robbed in the rematch with Mosley I would say you were drunk when you saw the fight. When Oscar was being counted out from a paralyzing shot to the liver delivered by future Hall of Famer Bernard Hopkins , it looked as though the Golden Boy had lost his last chance to put his name up there with boxing’s immortals. But he’s getting one more shot. And it’s a shot some feel he can win.

Oscar has trouble with hand speed. Mosley and Pernell Whitaker proved it. Mayweather might be faster than both of them. So how can Oscar win? He will have to fight perfect for the full three minutes of every round. Speed kills and if Oscar loses focus or falls into a trap of going for the knockout blow without setting it up with his jab and punching in combinations it will be a long and painful night against Mayweather, who counter punches brilliantly. Oscar is stronger and punches harder than Floyd. If he lands a clean left hook the fight is over. But no one has yet to land that one clean shot on Mayweather in 37 professional fights.

This is Floyd’s fight to lose. He has beaten the bigger punchers and exposed the more technically sound boxers time and time again. He easily defeated the unbeaten Diego Corrales and toyed with blood and guts warrior Arturo Gatti in a fight where Gatti showed much more blood than guts. His gifts are ones that can’t be taught. He sees everything coming as if he is in a real life fight scene from the Matrix. He picks his shots and doesn’t waste any punches. And while he doesn’t run, his foot movement is nothing short of graceful. He’s always two steps ahead of his opponent. For the boxing purist, Floyd is a throwback to a forgotten era where defense could be used as a weapon. Somewhere Sugar Ray Robinson smiles when Pretty Boy boxes. He is that good.

So what do I think? I think this fight is all about how bad Oscar wants to be remembered in history. He talks of retirement and chose to train near is home so he could be near his family. How bad does he want this? Physically he looks to be the epitome of perfection, but mentally is he willing to go through hell once that bell rings? No one knows except Oscar. He has the smarts and the tools to give Mayweather problems and despite his trash talk Floyd is no fool. He knows about Oscar’s left hook. He knows the whole world would like to see the good guy win this one. He will be ready to do the only thing he has done in his professional career…to dominate the man across form him.

I want to see the Golden Boy shine. I want him to win. I want him to win by knockout so there is no controversy.

But Mayweather is just that damn good.

My head tells me Pretty Boy Floyd will win by decision.

But in my heart I hope that somewhere up there the boxing immortals are sitting around watching the fight and one of them, maybe Rocky Marciano says “Let's finally let the kid into the club” and Oscar ends it with a clean shot to the chin of the greatest fighter in the world. Maybe then for one more night boxing will show why when it’s at its best, it's like no other sport in the world.