Random Thoughts

When serving ass at a party, taste to be sure it's well done...

Leverage is key when you don't have a bottle opener...

With the right shirt, most guys won't even notice you're face...

When engaged in a staring contest, feel free to use what's around you to distract your opponent...

Sleep disorders are nothing to laugh at...

Wal-Mart is open late...

Presentation is key...

...and girls go to the bathroom in pairs for a reason. Tune in next time, when we explore the benefits of top and tail sleeping.

It's not that Buzz is a jerk, he just picked a bad time to make pretend love to KSN-TV Wichita sports director Jim Kobbe's bobble head of the Jayhawks mascot on his desk.

One of Boston's most famous eateries will soon be reduced to a pile of rubble. Demolition is scheduled to begin today on Jimmy's Harborside Restaurant, which closed at the end of 2005 after 50 years of serving fresh seafood on the Boston waterfront. The building is being demolished to make room for a new seaport district development. The restaurant's founder, Jimmy Doulos, was only 17 when he first opened his restaurant -- then called Liberty Cafeteria -- to serve fishermen in 1924. The restaurant was later nicknamed ``Home of the Chowder King'' and became a popular destination for native Bostonians and tourists alike. The Doulos family has expressed a desire to re-open the restaurant, perhaps in the same location as the old one.

Sad to see Jimmy's go, even though it's been closed for a while now. The seafood joint was a favorite for UB. The Globe reported today that the new development may even include a new Jimmy's. Hopefully it would also include the sign, which is just as much of a Boston landmark as the Citgo sign...And it's not even owned by the Venezuelans...

Can't really blame the Fox reporter for thinking about teets after this photo popped up during his tease, but it is always great when these screw ups happen live. Clips like these and these are pound for pound the greatest contribution from 24 hour cable news networks...

Your Uncle Buck caught this on his cable guide on New Year's Eve...Just had to share...

It's a horrible story and a lesson for our times. A millionaire, superstar athlete buys a nightclub. Trouble erupts and two of the bars' employees, close friends of the ballplayer, are stabbed to death. The pampered athlete has to take time away from the team that's paying him all those millions to deal with the tragedy.

Sportswriters everywhere pen anguished tomes about how this kind of violence has reached epidemic proportions in our society. The network news picks up the story. ESPN quickly throws togethera a special "Outside the Lines" about it. Newspaper editorials wax on about our "culture of violence." Ten thousand word magazine articles examine the price of fame for young superstars.

Oh, wait...the athlete was Chris Chelios? A hockey player? White guy? Never mind.

Seriously, isn't this exactly the kind of thing, that if Chelios was black and in the NFL or NBA, would set off a firestorm of blather about how the world is crashing down around us like when Tank Williams bodyguard or Darrent Williams was shot? Where are the editorials about the need to curb knife violence with stricter knife laws?

Not much going on tonight, you say? Not so fast. Tonight in college hoops is BCS Hangover Theory Night as the Florida Gators are 13 point home-favorites against Arkansas. Listen, I know Florida's 11-0 at home, but there's no way anyone on the entire Gator campus is at 100% right now after last night. Including the basketball team. Joaquim Noah and Taurean Green are still probably holding on to Gator Girl's legs while she finishes her keg stand. And by keg stand I mean keg stand.

I don't care what Billy Donovan has to say, I just can't see this team being in good enough condition to cover the line. I think Florida wins though, but on BCS Hangover Theory Night, not by 13.

The Pick: Arkansas +13

Bonus Coverage: This is a must-see for college basketball fans -- click here for the introductions and first few minutes of the 1991 #1 vs. #2 showdown between UNLV and Arkansas. Too bad we can't get the whole game, but take my word - Anderson Hunt, Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon and Co. handled the "40 Minutes of Hell" and beat Arkansas 112-105. It was the highest rated regular season game on CBS in 6 years. Of course UNLV went undefeated that year before "losing" (game was fixed) to Duke in the Final 4...

Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken just got elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Mark McGwire did not. Time for a little log rolling.

Back on November 28, our own Jamie Chisholm ripped the Globe's Bob Ryan for saying he'd vote for Gwynn and Ripken, but there's no way he'd let McGwire in because he used steroids, and well, the other two didn't. How does Ryan know? Because in 1995, McGwire's power numbers went way up. Chisholm continued:

But what about the fact that Gwynn's batting average did the exact same thing? In 1988, at the age of 28, Gwynn hit .313. The next year, his average went up to .336 but that blip was followed by seasons of .309, .317 and .317, the last coming when he was 32. But all of a sudden at 33, Gwynn apparently found something that allowed his average to skyrocket to .358. At 34, Gwynn hit .394. At 35, he hit .368 followed by seasons of .353 and .372. But Gwynn wasn't on steroids because there's a completely logical explanation why a 37 year old Tony Gwynn was hitting 59 points better than the 28 year old Tony Gwynn. Because you know that Gwynn wasn't on steroids. Because you know. Because you have proof.

And Ripken's consecutive game streak? Obviously the result of Cal's legendary work ethic. There's no way that Ripken was around steroids. Not in Baltimore. Not when he was surrounded by class guys like Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander and Rafael Palmeiro. Those three guys may have been teammates of Ripken's back in 1996 but Cal had nothing to do with steroids. Cal had nothing to do with Anderson's 50 homerun season. There's no reason to assume that Cal collected more total bases and posted a higher slugging percentage in 1996 than he had in the five previous seasons with the help of anything other than good old fashioned elbow grease. That's just Cal being Cal. Because you know that Ripken wasn't on steroids. Because you know. Because you have proof.

Good points all. Now all the self-righteous members of the BBWAA will have to struggle through the rest of their lives knowing they've finally let tainted players through the Pearly Gates of baseball heaven.

Slightly off the topic, I thought when Jim Rice retired, he was two or three good seasons away from being good enough. In 1986, he was 3rd in the AL MVP voting, but after that his performance dropped off the map. Just because the guys who came after him juiced up and he didn't, I stil l think he's a near miss.

With the college bowl season now over, and five more days until the NFL Divisional Playoffs, I'm going have to fill my nights with my new obsession: "Man vs. Wild" on the Discovery Channel.

Next to "Heroes" and "America's Game," this is easily one of the best new shows of the season. If you haven't seen it, your doing yourself a disservice. The show stars Bear Grylls, a former member of the British Special Forces. At the beginning of every episode, he gets dropped into the kind of wilderness for which the expression "God forsaken" was invented. The kind of places that make the camps on "Survivor" look like Sandals: Jamaica.

I've already seen Bear survive in the Alps, Alaska, a deserted island, the African savannah and the Mohave desert. He has to make do with usually just the clothes on his back, a knife and a piece of flint. He's got five days to get his ass rescued. There's a camera crew, but they're not part of the show and can only help him if his life is in danger. So far it hasn't happened.

Grylls is a walking encyclopedia of survival tips. He's pulled maggots out of an animal carcass and used them as bait to catch fish in a frozen pond, then eaten the fish raw. He's caught a rattlesnake for dinner. He's squeezed water out of a pile of elephant dung. And in my kid's favorite moment, kept himself cool in the desert by peeing on his headdress.

That's a hell of an inspiration to a guy like me, who can't survive a three hour football game without a jumbo bag of Weymouth shrimp (Cheez Curls) and a 12-pack of Sam Adams.

Maybe that wasn't Tim Tebow singing in his dorm room. Because after closely examining the below picture, I think it's safe to say that Tebow is winning at life right now. He's going to be the starting quarterback for the defending National Champions and he obviously has no problem finding cool, super smart young ladies to hang out with in Gainesville. Tebow is proof that not all home-schooled kids grow up to be spelling bee champions or hermits.

Thanks to Mike for forwarding this picture along to us.

TMZ.com – “Arizona clubgoers recently saw (Britney) Spears getting hot and heavy with football stud Matt Leinart.”

Come on.  This is what gives gossip a bad name.  I refuse to believe that Matt Leinart was “getting hot and heavy” with Britney Spears.  I mean have you looked at what Britney looks like nowadays?   I’m not even sure I’d throw her a bang if she was hitting on me at a club.  She’s freaking disgusting.   Matt Leinart is the quarterback of a pseudo NFL team and a pretty decent looking guy.  He is way out of Britney’s league.  These type of rumors is what sets the entire smut/gossip industry back light years.   I’d take the girl in red in this picture in a nanosecond over Spears.

Bill Belichick is a monster and he must be stopped before he kills again.

After reading Brian McGrory's column in today's Globe, one would think that Belichick grabbed a tripod and drove it through Globe photographer Jim Davis' chest on his way to hug it out with Eric Mangini. Obviously, nothing even close to that happened. Belichick's mild shove of Davis was so jarring that immediately after the coach made contact with the photographer, Davis went right back to snapping pictures.

But McGrory has taken all he can of Belichick's Reign of Terror and he's not going to take it anymore. He labels Belichick a "boor of the highest order" and a hypocrite because last week he called the potentially season-ending block on Rodney Harrison a "cheap-shot." Because pushing a photographer's arm is the exact same thing as a borderline in-game block that may have ruined a professional athlete's knee.

Here's Belichick's problem, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he dresses like he's from Appalachia and has the personality of a wet mop: He thinks he's above everybody else. He treats every Sunday with more secrecy than the US generals handle our strategy in Iraq. He believes three Super Bowl championships give him immunity against moronity. They don't.

Is this the same Brian McGrory who has a blood feud with Hingham because all the Christmas lights are the same color and now he's all over Belichick because he wears a ripped sweatshirt? And if the people running the war in Iraq were half as competent as Belichick is at his job, I would be planning my spring break trip to Tikrit right now.

Believe me, I understand he's brilliant. I wouldn't miss a moment of next Sunday's game. I know that if they win, it's disproportionately due to painstaking work of the coach.

But why does it have to be an either/or? Why can't a model sports franchise like the New England Patriots have a coach who is both excellent and at least somewhat of a decent guy? Why can't Bob or Jonathan Kraft call him aside and teach him a modicum of class?

Bri, the only reason the Patriots are a "model sports franchise" is because of Bill Belichick. Certainly, the Krafts are outstanding owners but without Belichick's blueprint, this franchise is not a three time Super Bowl winner. I understand that sports isn't your forte but what sainted coach would you be happy with coaching the Patriots? John Wooden is technically still alive but I'm not sure a 96-year old former college basketball coach is what the Patriots need to remain a "model sports franchise."

It's Tuesday, January 9th, 2007. The state has a new governor. The state's former governor just launched his presidential campaign. Gun violence has virtually shut down parts of the state. President Bush is proposing sending 20,000 additional troops to Iraq. And Brian McGrory has declared war on Bill Belichick. And newspaper circulations are down why?

What makes the Chargers "Super?" Having briefly been a member of the San Diego Chargers messageboard before being banned for life (along with several other notable Barstool posters), I consider myself an expert on everything Boltish and think that I can explain why Chargers fans consider their team "super."

They don't know what "super" means.

I really don't have any other answer. Reading the rambling, incoherent, farcical posts on the San Diego messageboard, I could have sworn that I was on the website of a franchise that had actually ever won something. Oh, there was that glorious 1963 AFL Championship over the Boston Patriots that one Charger diehard offered up as proof of San Diego's proud championship heritage. But I'm thinking that when your team is clinging to the distant 40-year old memory of a championship in a league that no longer exists as the pinnacle of its history, that maybe it's not the smartest idea to start talking smack with fans from a team that's won three Super Bowls in the last five years.

There's nothing better than fans from some second-rate city with no sports pedigree patting themselves on the back days before the game is actually played. Congrats, Bolties. You went 14-2 during the regular season. You get to watch LaDainian Tomlinson and Shawne Merriman and Jamal Williams. Your team has nine Pro Bowlers. Yippee! Your team is going to win the Super Bowl because you have the most Pro Bowlers. Because it's nine on nine, right? Or are just Pro Bowlers allowed to suit up Sunday? Is Richard Seymour going one on nine?

Take it from some fans who actually know what it feels like to watch a team win a championship, San Diego. The NFL doesn't hand out victories five days before the game to whichever team has the most Pro Bowlers. If they did, Peyton Manning might have actually made a Super Bowl by now.

Here's that brain damaged Jets fan's take on the Patriots' dismantling of the J-E-T-S. In a nutshell, he thinks that Tom Brady is gay. Because Brady bangs supermodels and wins Super Bowls. Because nothing screams homosexuality like hooking up with her.

This Jets fan is downright creepy. If he doesn't have at least one unfortunate Brownie under his floorboards, I'd be shocked.

Well the National Championship game was a total dud.   Florida absolutely kicked the living snot out of Ohio State.   I’ll admit that I was stunned by the result.   Sure I thought Florida could beat Ohio State, but I never in a million years thought they’d dominate them like they did.   I mean Ohio State was totally helpless. 

I think this plays a huge factor in the preparations and why we’ve seen so many upsets over the past 7 years.  And while it’s tough to criticize anything that Florida did, I’ve officially decided that I hate Tim Tebow.   Why does everybody kiss his ass?  All he does is take the ball and run it straight up the middle.   I feel like there are a thousand guys who can do what he does.   Regardless, this has truly been a great year to be a Florida Gator.   They’ve won both the basketball and football National Titles with relative ease and ended all debate on who has the best athletic program in country right now.   

As a side note, I’m beginning to develop a theory that you’re better off being an underdog in the National Championship game.  I think the underdog has won like 6 out of the last 7 National Championships or something crazy like that.  I feel like it’s because they have 40 days to stew about how they aren’t getting any respect and by the time kickoff rolls around they’ve worked themselves into a tizzy.   On the flip side the favorite has 40 days to listen to how great they are and they get fat and lazy.   Therefore, when the teams finally play a month and a half after the season has ended they are two totally different teams from their last game.