Random Thoughts

We can now officially close down the voting for "Quote of the Year." Retiring the 2006 trophy is Hank Williams Jr. of long-since played-out "Monday Night Football" opening theme song fame.

Williams turned himself in to the police in Memphis yesterday. He had an warrant outstanding after an incident in which he asked a hotel waitress to kiss him then lifted her off the ground with a chokehold. Shocked that such a smooth move didn't work, Hank Jr., whom the Globe referred to today as a country music "superstar," tried to really turn on the charm, "I'm Hank Williams Jr., BITCH!!!"

It's just speculation, but I'm guessing that alcohol was involved. The police affidavit can be found on The Smoking Gun.

Honestly, how easy is it to get into Duke if you're a lax player because these kids continue to do the stupidest things. Adding to their already sparkling reputation, Duke's lacrosse team is under fire, yet again, for an email that sophomore Ryan McFadyen sent only hours after the team's now infamous party during which a stripper was allegedly raped by three members of the team.

In the email, sent at 1:58 AM, McFadyen writes about wanting to kill some "bitches," skinning them and then cumming in his Duke spandex. His parents must be super-proud.

From Boston.com....

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. --A baby shower erupted into a fight among guests in which one man was shot and several other people, including the seven-months-pregnant guest of honor, were beaten with a stick, police say.

Three people were arrested after the brawl, described by police as a "Baby Shower Gone Bad"

Police said the shooting victim, Aristotle Garcia, got into a fight with a man who is dating his ex-girlfriend. The argument, over whether the woman let their 5-year-old daughter drink beer, escalated and drew in two other people -- Jazz Rivas and Juan Velazquez, said Police Lt. Cheryl C. Claprood.

Okay, first of all, anytime 3 guys named Jazz, Juan and Aristotle are in a room together there's a 50% chance of a fight. Throw-in alcohol, the town of Springfield and a bunch of pregnant women, and it's closer to 90.

It says later, "When the baby shower's hostess tried to intervene, Rivas began hitting some of the guests, including the 22-year-old mother-to-be, with a large stick."

Where the fuck do you get a "large stick"? Is it just laying around in the apartment? "Hey honey, where do we keep the large stick?"

This story shows just how funny real life can be... especially since no one got killed.

I don't want to be accused of pushing Jessica Alba's campaign for our Chick National Champion anymore than I already am but...

Check out these pictures (pic 1, pic 2, pic 3, pic 4) of Kate Beckinsale trick-or-treating with her kids. Come on, Kate, dressing up as Wonder Woman on Halloween. Do you hate the rest of the mothers on your street? Are you trying to get all the husbands out with their families divorced? Do you have no soul, Beckinsale?

The last thing moms need on Halloween is to end up standing next to a smoking hot Hollywood actress dressing up in one of the sexiest costumes in the history of mankind. You're trying to deal with all your sugar-addicted kids and then Beckinsale strolls over looking smoking hot with a team of nannies and governesses handling her kids. It's just unfair.

Kate Beckinsale hates moms.

There is an article on ESPN.com discussing the statistical breakdown of what "makes" a clutch hitter.

When we analyze play-by-play data, David Ortiz does rate as a clutch hitter overall, but most of the damage was limited to just two seasons, 2000 and 2005. Take those two years away, and his lifetime clutch rating is essentially zero. He didn't rate as a clutch hitter in 2004 -- at least not during the regular season -- or in 2002. It isn't a bad track record, but if clutch hitting really exists, one would expect more consistency out of the "greatest clutch hitter in the history of the Boston Red Sox."

This is mind-boggling. So David Ortiz shouldn't be considered a clutch hitter because he struck out with a runner on third in the fifth inning of a May game against Tampa Bay? By definition, being clutch means being just a little bit better when it matters most. Sure, there are clutch moments during the regular season- Bill Mueller's homerun off Mariano Rivera, for example- but for the most part being clutch in baseball means one thing: winning games in the playoffs. And Ortiz is better at being "clutch" than any other hitter in the majors.

This is the problem with sabermetricians- they insist on quantifying every aspect of baseball. Some things just can't be measured by a convoluted formula. And just in case you were wondering who the stat geeks consider the best "clutch" hitters, of the 25 highest ranking clutch hitters since 1972 only four (Tony Gwynn, Rickey Henderson, Harold Baines and Kirby Puckett) are truly great players. And of those four, the highest ranked is Puckett at #9. Who was more clutch than Puckett? According to these guys, the eight hitters that you would want up in a clutch situation more than Puckett are: Mark Grace, Toby Harrah, Jason Kendall, Kent Hrbek, Matt Lawton, Darrell Evans, Scott Fletcher and Jeromy Burnitz.

Von Hayes rounds out the Top 25 because nothing says "clutch" like Von Hayes.

Don’t you find it strange that the same company (ESPN) that employs Stuart Scott is also capable of making such wonderful commercials?  It’s like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde over there in Bristol.  This is clearly the best commercial on TV right now. 

Picking someone other than Tiger Woods to win the Masters is like...well it defies similie. It's like picking someone other than Tiger to win the Masters. There is no more odds-on favorite in all of sports. Here are the non-Tigers with the best chance:

10. Padraig Harrington-Only 29th in the World Rankings, but a mentally tough Irishman overdue in the U.S.

9. Mike Weir- A past champion and the course sets up well for lefties.

8. Vijay Singh- Always has a shot. A boring, tedious shot.

7. Jim Furyk- His swing is all wrong, but all he does is hit fairways.

6. Phil Mickelson- 2004 Champion and hotter than Kate Beckinsale.

5. Ernie Els-Had a shot on Sunday at all four majors last year.

4. Adam Scott- The Player of the Future, and maybe always will be.

3. Chris DiMarco- Played in final pair in 2004 & 2005. Beaten by Phil and Tiger.

2. Retief Goosen- Two time US Open Champ. 3rd ranked player in the world.

1. Eldrick Woods. Duh.

Gordon Edes addresses the question of whether or not Trot Nixon's mediocre days are behind him in his most recent Boston.com mailbag.

Steve [dude who wrote into Edes wondering why the Sox don't dump Trot], I can't imagine that you thought Trot was a liability when he went .306, 28, 87 in 2003. Injury prone? Until he went down with a herniated disc in '04, he'd never been on the DL. He's been back twice more (quad strain, oblique strain) and the injuries have taken their toll, but I'm not sure I would conclude yet that he's breaking down. As for making routine plays looking heroic, I haven't seen that, I really haven't. Certainly it's a possibility the Sox move him at the deadline, but unlikely. You don't normally dump your No. 5 hitter if you're in the race. Out of the race, and of course all bets are off.

Gordon, you might as well be writing in gibberish because you're making no sense. First, just because Trot was solid in '03 doesn't mean that he will be in 2006. Mike Lowell in 2003- .276, 32 homeruns, 105 RBI's. Jeff Bagwell in 2003- .278, 39 homeruns, 100 RBI's. Times change, Gordo. And nice of you to point out that 2003 was also by far Trot's best season in an otherwise pedestrian 9-year major league career.

Second, who cares if Nixon used to be healthy? He's certainly hasn't the past two seasons. He's been on the DL three times since 2004 and is perpetually dinged-up. And don't forget the fact that he still can't touch lefties.

Do I think the Sox should trade Nixon asap? No, it's way too early in the season to start that talk. But is Nixon a long-term fit in right field and the five hole- nope. But hey, he does get grass stains on his uniform so that has to count for something, right?

I wish I saw this before my birthday last week.  I’ve always wanted to practice my short game while dropping a deuce.    And I definitely would have thrown in the talking toilet paper roll for good measure.  I’d love to sprinkle these things at bars and restaurants throughout Boston so that every time somebody takes a shit they hear “Read Barstool Sports”

As a side note I think this photo is just a bit unrealistic. Isn't it a little bit much to take a shit, practice your putting and read Golf Magazine at the same time?

I'm a little dejected because there is no more college basketball so I'm drowning my sorrows by watching this video in my office.

The Maryland Women’s Hoop team won the National Championship last night at the Boston Garden in what was a sneaky very exciting game.   The Terps battled back from 13 down in the 2^nd half and some chick buried a long range three at the buzzer to send it to OT where the Terps rolled to the victory.   Now I know nobody cares about this unless you bet on it (ahem, ahem) but apparently things are a little slow at College Park or the students there are just crazy because the victory sparked riots on campus.  Let me repeat that.  The Lady Terps victory sparked riots at Maryland.   Let me tell you something.  If students are rioting over Women’s hoops that means pretty soon people are going to be rioting when somebody wins 500,000 dollars on Let’s Make A Deal.   

Shea Hoxie, 21, a senior majoring in government and politics and criminology summed up the riots by saying: "I was disappointed we didn't flip over the bus. We rioted for the women's basketball team, which is out of character for us. We needed something to cheer for."  And Armon Emdad, 19, said he was opposed to the idea of disorder. "It doesn't make sense to destroy your own campus," he said. But he told a reporter he intended to join last night's crowd anyway.

Way to stick up for your beliefs there Armon.  You’re a regular Gandhi.

If you didn’t know by now, Suffolk Downs has officially gone dark.  The State Legislature somehow has failed to renew their simulating rights.    I have absolutely no idea how this is possible?   This seems like the type of thing that should take 2 seconds to ratify, but politicians have their heads stuck too far up their ass to do anything about it.  To be honest, I’m worried about what all the Suffolk Downs regulars are going to do now that it’s closed?  They don’t seem like the type of crowd who adapt well to sudden change.   And I don’t see them cruising up and down Revere Beach to kill time either.   This is one of those situations where the people of MA and more specifically the people of the North Shore need to make their feelings known.  I’d love to see a rally in front of the State House.     Can you imagine what a sight to behold this would be with all the old grizzled Suffolk Downs veterans puffing on cigarettes with the Daily Racing Form tucked under their arm chanting “We Want Bay Meadows!”    We Want Bay Meadows, Donna Martin Graduates!”   

The Improper Bostonian just released their “Beloved Bartender” issue this week.   I tried to cut and paste a picture of their cover girl in this random thought, but for some reason the Improper’s website doesn’t let you do that.   Just another example of the Improper being too snobby for the common man.   But here is a link to the picture.   Does anybody recognize this girl?   Here let me give you a hint.   She was the same freaking girl that we used on the cover of our 25 Sexiest Magazine.   If this isn’t proof once and for all that the Improper sweats Barstool Sports, I’m not sure what is.   I mean how bad is that?   You’d think they could have found their own hot girl without just copying us.    Pretty soon Stool Samples is going to be a regular feature in the Improper Bostonian.   Veronica Chao can act like we don’t exist, but the bottom line is that deep down in places she doesn’t talk about at parties, she needs us on that wall, she wants us on that wall.    As a side note, how can Nikki be the most beloved Bartender at Gypsy Bar when she was working at Sports Depot less than a year ago?  And there is no doubt that being our cover girl is way more prestigious.