Random Thoughts

So MTV debuted a new show this week called “Yo Momma.”  Has anyone seen it?  It’s essentially a trash-talking competition held in various hoods of southern California where dudes make fun of each other’s Momma's, and each other.  (Hence, “Yo Momma”.)

Anyway I caught a little last night and it was like "Dance 360" minus the dancing, and instead of X-boxes, winner here receives $1000 in “cash money”.

I was kind of liking the show until I saw none other than Wilmer Valderamma, a.k.a. The Guy who Banged the Entire North Bracket in the Barstool Chick Madness Pool, show up as the freakin’ host.  (He’s also the producer).  When I say he was embarrassingly NOT funny, I couldn’t be more serious.  Just awful. 

The one part of the show I saw pitted 2 wanna-be gangsters, one representin’ Long Beach Compton (the LBC) and the other representin’ some other war zone I don’t know.  After 3 fierce rounds of ripping each other’s Momma's, the judges (Wilmer and his buddies) voted it a tie.  So what they did to break the tie (this is tremendous) was call out each of their ACTUAL Momma's and have THEM rip each other! 

So picture these 2 middle-aged women jawing “weave to weave” mocking one another’s outfits, hair, stomach, etc. until finally one Momma was declared the winner after she dropped the dreaded “Finger-snap Z” at the end of one her rants. 

I’m sure you’re familiar with it - it’s when you snap your fingers in mid-air while drawing the letter Z.   “Snap..….snap..….snap…..snap.”   (You have to snap at each of the 4 points of the Z to make it official.)  The winning Momma even declared “And sister, you can take THAT to the bank” after the 4^th and final snap.  Once said Momma did that, the crowd went ballistic and the other Momma just couldn’t recover.

For the final, they ended up in a parking lot somewhere in L.A. and a kid put a paper bag over the other kid’s head ala Saints’ fans in the 80’s, and won going away.  No tie breaker needed.

The show airs Monday thru Friday at 6:00 and then again when you get home from the bar.   Yo Momma 

The Tennessee Titans are getting killed by fans and the media for their shabby treatment of Steve McNair when they barred him from using the team's workout facility until he straightens out his contract situation.

McNair has about $24 million left on his contract, and the team believes that if he gets injured while using their gym, the whole nut becomes payable on demand. Of course, he's owed that money because he's restructured his deal 750 times at the team's request.

Not to defend Titan's owner Bud Adams, a true jagoff who at the very least should have talked to McNair in person instead of sending a trainer to give the QB the "Not so fast there, Steve." But maybe the Titan's have a point.

For at least the last six years, I've been making this point: at what point does McNair stop being the good soldier playing in pain, and when is he just injury-prone? When was the last time McNair wasn't being a tough, gritty warrior whose sucking it up through crippling injuries to help the team win? I mean, does he get hit more than say, David Carr? Not a chance.

Every team I was ever on had one kid who got hurt every game, then courageously stayed in the game while the parents applauded his spunk. Is it just possible that Steve McNair is the NFL's version of that kid? And the Titans don't want to pay him $24 million because he trips over a weight bench?

I’m sure everybody heard about that horrible tragedy that occurred yesterday in downtown Boston.  A three-ton construction scaffold plunged yesterday from a building onto Boylston Street, killing two construction workers and a young doctor who was driving by.   The front page of the Herald today had a picture of the accident with a huge heading that read “Death from Above”     Frankly I think this is in bad taste.        This was a flat out tragedy and in no way should it conjure up memories of Drago killing Apollo Creed in the ring.    I know I’m not the only one who thought the Big Russian was to blame after reading this headline.

“ It is a matter of size. Evolution. Isn't it, gentlemen? Drago is the most perfectly trained athlete ever. This other man has not the size, the strength, the *genetics* to win. It is physically impossible for this little man to win. Drago is a look at the future!”

I knew it would happen eventually, when one of the women's cable networks would concoct a plot to destroy my world from within. I maintained strong defenses along the border between me and Lifetime. Then when Oprah started the Oxygen network, I put it on my terror watch list. But they were only diversions. The real threat came this week from the WE network, who Pearl Harbored me with "Skating's Next Star."

WE has managed to combine in one package my wife's two favorite things on this Earth, figure skating and reality TV (I'm officially #33 on that list, between "picnics" and "Steel Magnolias"). If at any point in the show, the contestants fix up someone's house, it will be the Perfect Storm of TV for her.

And if you're asking, "Didn't 'Skating with the Stars' do the same thing?" The answer is no. To her, that wasn't skating, that was Bruce Jenner with an AARP card in his pocket skating in a circle waving his hands in the air. "Skating's Next Star" has contestants that are actual skaters, that for whatever reason, didn't make it on tour. Maybe they wore the Buzz Lightyear costume in "Toy Story on Ice," so they weren't eligible to compete, but they've got the skating version of "game."

All I know, is it's worth watching if for no other reason than 1) Kristi Yamaguchi, whom I've always had a thing for, is host, and 2)you get to hear my man Rudy Galindo, one of the celebrity judges, say, like a cross between Dick Vitale and Paris Hilton, "Bottom line: it was hot." Hysterical.

I have absolutely no problem with people who are gay.   I could care freaking less.   But I can spot a gay guy a mile away.    And from the second I saw Eric and Jeremy on the Amazing Race I knew they were at the very least bi-sexual.   I’ve been telling the First Lady this for the past month, but I had no proof.    Ah, but today things have changed.   I finally got my hands on some photos that seem to back up my claim.   Here are Eric and Jeremy fraternizing with the annoying hippies.    Looks like El Presidente wins again!  Viva La Stool!  The bottom-line is that nobody talks about girls and having sex so much during the Amazing Race unless you’re trying to hide something or fool somebody.    If I went on the Amazing Race with a buddy you could put Kristin Kreux on the other team and I wouldn’t notice her.  It would be all business all the time.  After I won the million dollars there would be plenty of sex to go around after.

Damn it Nomar.   How can you be on the DL already?    I’ll admit that when I saw the Dodgers scored 10 runs in their opener vs. the Braves I chuckled to myself thinking Nomar must have had at least 7 base knocks and 4 RBI.    I couldn’t open the box score fast enough to see what my main man did at the plate.   But instead of Nomar playing first base there was some fat guy who’d I’d never heard of.    I’m beginning to think I may have wasted my #2 pick in my fantasy draft on him.    The guy is always hurt.    I think I’ve said this before but this is Nomar’s last chance to keep me in his corner.  If he doesn’t hit at least .320 with 20 HR’s and 80 RBI, I’m done with his sorry ass. “I'm pissed now, Beautiful. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You no help me now, I say, f-ck you, Nomar. I do it myself.”

(P.S. - I didn't really draft Nomar #2 and no he never took Steroids.)