Random Thoughts

I think one of the main differences between my generation of sports fans and the generations that came before is our attitude about athletes going out early. In general, the older generation still seems unable to wrap their heads around the concept that you get the money when you can get the money. It doesn't matter if you're 16 and playing at Wimbledon, 18 and playing at Saddledome or 20 and playing at Madison Square Garden, if you can get paid millions of dollars to play a game, you don't waste time sitting around the quad, watching dudes play hacky-sack.

Which is why Joakim Noah should sign with an agent before he takes off his uniform tonight. Noah played lights-out in the NCAA Tournament and NBA scouts and GM's love him. Chad Ford is sitting at home finishing a 12,000 word article about Noah right now. This is what scouts love about Noah after tonight: great length, outstanding defender, plays with passion, super athlete, understands the game, good background. This is what scouts will be saying about Noah in a year: undersized, lacks polished offensive game, will get pushed around by bigger post players, hot-headed, lacks toughness because of privileged upbringing.

Noah needs to leave now. He'll only be costing himself money by returning next year, especially with guys like Greg Oden, Kevin Durant and Brandan Wright ready to declare after one-year cameo appearances in college. Every game he plays after tonight will only lower his draft value. He led his team to the National Championship and played his best when it mattered most. The only thing left to do is get paid.

During the Giants' Opening Day game against the Padres, a fan threw a needle-less syringe at Barry Bonds. My attitude about this is simple: If you're going to be throwing syringes at lunatic 'roid heads, sack up, put the needle-less syringes back in your purse and chuck syringes with the longest needles possible.

And if Bonds isn't pelted with syringes at least a dozen times before the All-Star Break, I'll be shocked. I'm hoping that someone will get really creative and just pull out the tranquilizer gun and take aim for Bonds' rear. Vegas could even set a line on how much animal tranquilizer Bonds could withstand before collapsing in left field.

Did anybody see the latest True Life on MTV?  In case you somehow missed it, it was True Life; I’m a reality TV Star.   The show centered on the lives of Tonya from Real World, Johnny Fairplay from Survivor and Daniel Lue from Survivor.   I know what you’re thinking.   What is the difference between reality TV on MTV and True Life on MTV?  The answer is nothing.   And the show would have been a complete waste of time had it not been for Daniel Lue.   A man who is so delusional about his chances to become a movie star it’s outrageous.   First of all, I’d never even heard of the guy until watching the show and that’s saying a ton since I consider myself a reality TV expert.   Second even after watching him for an hour I had to google him with the term “Asian Guy from Survivor” just to remember his name.    Regardless, Lue may have provided me with my favorite True Life moment of all time and that was watching him rehearse his one line from the Hulk Hogan movie he was in over and over and over again.   It’s almost like Larry David somehow watched this show five years ago and it served as the inspiration for “These Pretzels are making me thirsty.”    Anyway I have two pieces of advice for poor Daniel Lue.  Come up with something better than flashing your guns every time you get your picture taken and don’t hoard all the free bag giveaways at the Red Carpet parties.  It kind of makes you looks small time.

The 10th Annual Roger Clemens Decision Watch kicked off today when the overweight, over 40 serial-retirer paid a visit to the Red Sox in the visitors locker room at the Ballpark in Arlington.

This prompts a few obvious questions. Does the fact that Clemens and the Hendricks brothers sat down with Theo and the Trio mean that there's a possibility he's interested in pitching for the Sox? Or was he just paying a social call, since he was at the game as part of a presentation for the U. of Texas? Could Clemens help the Sox? Is he visiting with other teams?

And the biggest question of all: Can I stand to listen to three more months of this crap?

You stand here at the end, where sixty-four have been cut down to just two, and you ask yourself if it ever really happened, or was it all just a dream?

What might have been...Could it be, that an 11 seed might have won it all? Was it wrong to believe? Or was there, as Gandalf told Pippen, never much hope, "only a fools hope"?

I dared to dream the impossible dream. Where others saw a mere 11 seed, an underdog from the very first round, I saw greatness. I saw a champion. A chance to win six straight matches and cut down the nets. Alas, the dream, which carried me on its gossamer wings all the way to the Final Four, ended two games too soon.

In my basketball brackets, I had all of my Final Four teams alive in the Elite Eight. All four were favored. All four lost. But in my Chick pool, I had three of the Final Four, and the kind of cockeyed optimism that dared believe an 11 could be #1. Thank you, Stacey. For you and I will always have our own "One Shining Moment."

About two and a half hours ago, I wrote about how much of a joke Opening Day is. And then NESN had to go and show a shot of Curt Schilling walking down the runway towards the field and now...

I'm in complete and total Red Sox Nation Yahoo mode. Josh Beckett- 25-3. Schilling 21-4. Keith Foulke 45 saves. David Ortiz .315, 49 homeruns, 153 RBI's. Manny .338, 47 homeruns, 154 RBI's. Coco Crisp. .321, 25 homeruns, 125 runs, Gold Glove. Roger Clemens 15-1, 1.03 ERA, World Series MVP.

Damn, now Tom Caron is talking about Beckett. I'm bumping him up to 28 wins. Shoot, now TC is bringing up Papelbon. Can Papelbon win the MVP as a set-up man because that's how optimistic I am right now.

Red Sox 105-57

Yankees 90-72

Blue Jays 81-81

With the Barstool March Madness Chick Contest down to its final two, Jessica Alba and Kate Beckinsale, I thought it would be helpful to review their stats so you can make the smartest choice.

Jessica Alba. 25 years old. Once appeared in an episode of Chicago Hope entitled Sexual Perversity in Chicago Hope. Dates a guy who makes less money than you. Wicked Hot.

Alba Evidence A Alba Evidence B Alba Evidence C Alba Evidence D

Kate Beckinsale. 33 years old. Got naked in a few movies. English accent not too jarring. Wicked beautiful.

Beckinsale Evidence A Beckinsale Evidence B Beckinsale Evidence C Beckinsale Evidence D (NSFW)

The trailers for The Simpsons movie were released over the weekend. I heard that there are two. A video of one of the trailers is here. The movie opens July 27th, 2007, so there isn't any reason to go to Fandango and preorder your tickets just quite yet.

I'm psyched for a Simpsons movie but it just seems like this is about 10-years too late. It's like when the X-Files movie came out after the series was basically done. If you're going to do a movie based on a TV show, you really have to make sure that you do it before the series has completely lost its original appeal, like the Simpsons.

The Simpsons today is a shadow of its former self. If the movie is going to be any good, they need to bring back the one formerwriter guaranteed to make the Simpsons funny again- Conan O'Brien. When O'Brien was involved with the show, it was cutting-edge, satirical and hysterical. Since he left, the show has been too tame and too formulaic.

Peter King, who is an unquestionably great football writer, practically issues a fatwa against ESPN because the network showed the Women's Final Four instead of the White Sox-Indians game:

a. I found it incredulous that the semifinals of the women's Final Four, not the opening game of the baseball season, featuring the world champion White Sox, was on ESPN Sunday night, shuttling the baseball game to ESPN2. Insignificant? I think not. What that means is that a huge number of TV households, including mine, had the choice of watching the Maryland-North Carolina women in high-def or the debut of baseball for the year in non-high-def -- because most cable subscribers don't get ESPN2 in high-def.

I'm sure this has something to do with some contract with the NCAA or some such nonsense, but this is a major slap in the face to baseball. I can see ESPN ditching a September baseball game for a September NFL game, but for a women's basketball game? Having had two daughters play sports, I love women's sports and I watched a good chunk of the Duke-UConn regional final last week, but to demote the first game of the baseball season below a women's game? I can't believe that makes ratings sense or common sense.

First, if ESPN had showed the White Sox-Indians game, viewers would have spent most of the game watching some canned programming because the game, like many, many early season games, had a looong rain delay. Second, I highly doubt that on a Sunday night with the Sopranos, Law & Order, the West Wing, Grey's Anatomy and Cold Case that millions of people in Boston, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Atlanta, Houston, Phoenix, San Francisco, Seattle and St. Louis were itching to watch the White Sox and Indians play a meaningless early April game.

Third, both women's game were better than the White Sox-Indians game. Echoing what Bob Ryan once wrote, I can watch a win-or-go-home game in any sport. White Sox-Indians, Game One, no one really cares who wins, including the players. LSU-Duke, UNC-Maryland. Final Four. That means something. Edge to the chicks.

There may not be a more overhyped, overrated sporting event in the world than Major League Baseball's opening day. If there is another sports league in the world with a 162-game season, I've never heard of it, so why should I get all fired up about Game One when there are 161 coming?

If Curt Schilling gives up five earned runs and Mike Lowell strikes out three times should I preorder my Toronto Blue Jay's Wild Card t-shirt tomorrow? If Keith Foulke blows the save should I start picketing on Yawkey Way for the team to bring up Craig Hansen? If the Red Sox win should I grab my tent and lawn chair and make sure that I'm first in line for playoff tickets?

8:48 – Alex the 3 year old watching here, challenges the house to a wrestling match.  I quickly accept the challenge and tombstone him, cover his 24lb body and take his replica belt.

8:51 – A nip slip by Mickie James saves the value of this match.

Read the rest of TheBon's Wrestlemania 22 recap here