Random Thoughts

UCLA's dominating performance against LSU leaves little doubt that the Bruins are back to being one of the elites of college hoops along with programs like North Carolina, Texas and Duke. But I think it's just a matter of time until UCLA passes Duke and becomes the preeminent program in college hoops. The Bruins have a few key things going for them:

1. Coaching Stability. Ben Howland is at his dream job and unless something completely unexpected happens, he should be UCLA's coach for the foreseeable future. Howland is a local guy with great connections, a solid recruiter and there isn't a hint of scandal around him.

2. The players aren't going anywhere. UCLA loses only Cedric Bozeman and Ryan Hollins next year and while Farmar, Afflalo and Mbah a Moute are great college players, they all have a long way to go to becoming surefire NBA first round picks. Expect them all to play at least one more year for the Bruins.

3. Recruiting. Think Howland has a tough job getting kids to visit UCLA? UCLA is like the "perfect storm" of recruiting- they have every single thing a high school player could be looking for. Coach will be there for your four years. Check. Gorgeous campus. Check. Hot coeds. Check. Great basketball tradition. Check. Good weather. Check. Chance to compete for National Championship. Check. Bang Tara Reid. Check.

4. No local competition & great local players. If you were a top player from LA would you go to USC and dodge bullets so you could spend four years playing second fiddle to the football team? Or would you go to the safe, leafy campus where basketball is king? Howland should clean up with the LA-area talent.

I think you have to go back at least 15-years or so to find a game as lopsided and miserable as LSU-UCLA. Though Duke's 20-point win over Michigan in the 1992 Final was pitiful, UCLA's complete domination of LSU reminds me most of UNLV's 30-point blowout of Duke in 1990.

If I was Daniel Gibson or J.J. Redick, I would be beside myself right now. How in the name of God did LSU beat both Texas and Duke? Or is it that UCLA's just that good? I have no idea but LSU's performance is embarrassing.

I was dead wrong about this one (though I was right on the money about GMU being ready for a blowout). I figured that LSU would just pound it inside to Glen Davis and Tyrus Thomas all game but the Tigers' backcourt play was abysmal. And that was before that scrub white point guard came in and looked like he was going to crap his pants every time a UCLA defender got down into his stance. There were way too many 1st half possessions when Davis never touched the ball- John Brady has to take a lot of that blame.

And if I'm the head of CBS Sports, I'm sucker-punching Brady after this game. I watched more of 8th & Ocean tonight than I did the second half. This could have been the worst game in the history of the Final Four.

It's a beautiful day in Boston so I figured I would take my dog for a walk to the Common and Public Gardens since she's going to be sitting on her butt for the rest of the night watching me watch the Final Four. She's determined to hunt down and kill every last squirrel in the world; they're her mortal enemies. We manage to avoid the hordes of tourists who insist on walking as if they just learned how to do it this morning when we run into one of the most disturbing sights I've ever seen....a little two year old rocking the two popped collars.

This is a warning to all the parents out there: I have a friend who works at DSS and she will gladly take your kids. If you have the audacity to dress your child with two popped collars, I will contact the authorities. Ridiculous. Little kids should basically be dressed in potato sacks- any parent who wastes all that money so their kid can look like they deserve to get their little ass kicked needs to attend some sort of child-rearing seminar.

Forget about Jessica and Ashlee Simpson.  Forget about the Olsen Twins.   Clearly the most entertaining sibling combination in Hollywood is the Kelly brothers.   I’m talking about R Kelly and Carey Kelly.   As if R Kelly’s “Trapped in a Closet” wasn’t a great enough gift to the comedy gods, Carey Kelly has now stepped forward accusing his brother of trying to get him to take the fall for having sex with that underage chick which was caught on camera a couple years ago.   Here are some of the excerpts from a recent interview with Carey Kelly.

"They (the police) questioned me, and they followed me," Carey said. "I moved three or four times, but that was dumb, me not thinking they, the police, can find me. It was like I had done something wrong, a crime, urinated on a girl, and they treated me like I had actually done it.

Carey said the worst part of it was how it affected his six kids, who started getting teased and beaten up at school. "My son, he used to love going to school," Carey said. "Now it's a job,

Okay, I’ve never seen the R Kelly video.    Did he urinate on a girl in it or did Carey Kelly just make this situation up out of the blue?  Who says that?   Don’t you get the feeling that maybe he has done that before?   I mean who uses “urinate on a girl” as an example of doing something wrong unless you’ve done it?    Regardless, thank god I read this interview because I was under the impression that if I committed a crime in the future all I’d have to do is move a couple blocks and the police wouldn’t be able to find me.   Now I know that the police can find me regardless of whether I’m living in Allston or Abington.  Good to know.

This may be one of my favorite videos of all-time and it's very timely since Bret Hart is getting inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame tonight before Wrestlemania 22.

The video is two years old but the prank is classic. The victim is a huge Bret Hart fan so his friends put together a really good look promo announcing that Hart is returning to the WWE after his seven year hiatus. There are a couple of great things about this clip. One, the blatant drug use and how unquestionably high everyone involved is. Two, the kid's wrestling passion. He flat-out loves wrestling and you can literally see his heart break once the joke is revealed.

"Jack Bauer is Superman, Batman, Spiderman, James Bond and Derek Jeter all rolled into one.  It's not even debatable.  Sure, Superman possibly could have saved the world by stopping assassinations, thwarting nuclear attacks and shutting down the release of deadly viral strains.  I'm sure he could have rescued daughters, friends and co-workers from near death at the hands of terrorists.   He probably could have even beaten Jack in a race from the Van Nuys Airport back to CTU (although Jack's time last night of ninety-seven seconds was pretty solid for someone who is neither the son of Jorel or Carl Lewis.)   Despite all of Superman's powers,including the flying, the x-ray vision, the ability to reverse the earth's rotation and the bending of steel in his bare hands, I seriously doubt that he could have accused, interrogated and tortured Lois Lane, including nearly choking her to death, and forty minutes later still got her to make out with him. "

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I guess we should put some sort of April Fools' Day story on the site but it's 10:30 in the morning and I had too many Guinesses last night so I have no energy to be creative.

Instead, I'm going to let the people over at The Office take care of some April Fools' Day pranks. They put together some hysterical fake PSA's.

Dwight- Wolves

Ryan- Beer

Pam- Smell

Ryan- Taping Sex

The Rest

I can't say that this story is 100% accurate because well, I'm simply not going to take the time to verify it, but apparently an Arizona State cheerleader has gone into porn...while wearing her ASU cheerleading uniform. I'm guessing that she didn't get permission from her coach or the ASU athletic director to get it on in her official school uniform with two dudes on film . Must be a proud moment for the ASU athletic department, right up there with the point-shaving scandal. The pictures are here but they're screencaps from her porn debut so it's obviously NSFW.