A night after Cliff Lee picked up his first victory in one his team’s best games this season, the Phillies bounced back with a brilliant approach against NL Cy Young Candidate R.A. Dickey to win the series and head back home to welcome the return of former MVP Ryan Howard.
Wait. You mean that didn’t happen? You mean Jonathan Papelbon, the overpaid, Irish-jigging chode licker of a closer came set at the belt in a one-run game, took that stupid ass deep breath of his, blew into his glove, blew the lead, blew the game, and then blew…well, that would be too easy, now wouldn’t it?
Let’s be honest, the Phillies have had much bigger problems than Papelbon, but last night’s debacle was special in its brutality. He retired only two of the seven base runners he faced and couldn’t locate a pitch with two strikes which is something that, like, sometimes closers have to do in one-run games.
“This ain’t on nobody else,” he said after the game. Well, no shit.
“Every pitch I threw was on purpose,” he said. “I thought I had good command. Yeah, I walked a guy hit a guy. But I thought I had good stuff. I really did.”
This $178 million train wreck of a team is going nowhere fast. And last night wasn’t a critical blow to the Phillies’ faint playoff hopes. Because such hopes don’t exist. You’d have to be as delusional as the closer about his “good command” to really believe otherwise, but fuck, man. I want to be delusional. A tough series win against the Mets and Howard’s return would have at least let me pretend for 48 fucking hours that this season could still mean something. But such is life in 2012.
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