Barstool Sports

I’d gone before when I was in high school, but it was nothing near the spectacle it is now. Which is both a positive and negative for the annual wing eating contest where nobody in the crowd actually gets to eat any wings. Back in the day it was a lot more unruly: tickets didn’t have specific seats, it was much easier to tailgate in the parking lot before hand / sneak in alcohol, and there was a general feeling of questionable safety. It’s a lot different now. It’s still unruly and there are still tits, there’s a lot more corporate sponsors, a lot more money, and everything just seemed to be a much BIGGER show.

You guys can read through my hazy sleepless semi-drunk tweets from this morning below through Storify. A few things I failed to mention, though:

- There was an eater who came out on a Bynum float who tombstone piledriver’d / chest pinned the other float competition. He came out with a Bynum jersey, two knee braces, and an afro wig riding a bowling lane with Disneyland in the background while strippers held giant photos of Shawn Bradley, Manute Bol, and other “great” Sixers centers. Then at one point he bowled into the actual pins and fell to the floor grabbing his knee. Perfect execution.

- If EatDatPussy445 was allowed to compete he would have taken that building over. There were a decent number of Stoolies in the house, and if we had time to create an EDP float the takeover would have been complete.

- WIP has the flash tits jumboscreen game down to a science. Twenty-one years of practice pays off. She’s gonna do it, she’s gonna do it, here comes the tits, THERE’S A NIPP– and cut to some other chick in another part of the stadium. Then repeat for 3 hours during every WIP commercial break. THAT’S Wing Bowl.

See the highlights from our time at through Storify. Or you could just look at my twitter directly, I guess.