Both teams are entering this game with entirely different strategies. The Eagles — who due to unfortunate scheduling AKA a conspiracy only have two preseason games against teams they don’t play in the regular season — will use this opportunity to play their starters into the third quarter. The Patriots — who I assume are afraid of getting their star players injured against a revamped and ferocious Eagles defensive line — will sit the majority of their starters including QB Tom Brady. Which I’m personally very happy about as I just drafted Brady in the first round yesterday and don’t need some rando like Brandan Graham ruining things before they start. And while we’d all love to see a full-strength matchup tonight, we’ll just have to wait to see if Brady can hold up his end of bargain so we can watch these teams again in the Super Bowl.
Enough prefacing — let’s get to the watch list.
Nick Foles – Yes, Vick and company will have control for an entire half, but the real action comes in the third/fourth quarters when our future trade bait gets the chance to prove he deserves to be the backup quarterback ahead of Mike ‘No More Metamorphosis Jokes’ Kafka. Will Nick Foles display the same poise and arm strength to prove that he should be traded for nothing less than a first-rounder? I think so. You heard it here first, New England: the Patriots are about to get Foles’d.
Mychal Kendricks – Can he cover tight ends in space? Also, can his play at OLB make up for that awful spelling of ‘Michael’?
DeMeco Ryans – He stunk last week. Not a Casey Matthews-level diarrhea-diaper-in-the-sun stink, but pretty stinky nonetheless. We need to see more from a guy who is supposed to lead the defense. No hesitation. Hit the holes and make plays.
Michael Vick – I mentioned in another blog recently that it’s not really the defense that worries me about this year’s team, it’s the offense. They haven’t shown any consistency in training camp, and while they go on stretches of brilliance, we need to see that they can string together drives and first downs rather than just go three-and-out while scoring on the occasional deep pass. Can Vick lead this offense up the field in a long drive? Can he keep the defense off balance by spreading the ball and taking off when there are open lanes? Can he avoid hurting himself for one goddamn game so the city of Philadelphia can finally exhale? Lots of questions.
Brent Celek – Hasn’t played in a while, but early in camp was getting rave reviews and claiming he felt better than he had in recent seasons after getting surgery to fix his hip and “sports hernia”. Now that his knee is no longer sprained, he has the chance to show enough to get himself selected in fantasy this season. Also, he should probably help the team win actual real-life football games as well.
King Dunlap – Demetrius Bell looked like hot garbage at left tackle against the Stillers. King’s turn. He may sew up a starting spot tonight if he can play like slightly less-hot garbage.
Tackling – Seriously, can someone on this team show they can tackle? There are thousands of children of abusive alcoholic fathers in the Delaware Valley who pray they can.
Show us something, Dynasty Dream Team Super Squad. My fingers are already getting tired of typing “Andrew Bynum”. Yeah, that’s definitely a lie. But I still want to see some touchdowns.