Barstool Sports

TNW – The story goes a little something like this. A developer at a US-based critical infrastructure company, referred to as “Bob,” was caught last year outsourcing his work to China, paying someone else less than one fifth of his six-figure salary to do his job. As a result, Bob had a lot of time on his hands; in fact, during the investigation, his browsing history revealed this was his typical work day:

9:00 a.m. – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch cat videos.
11:30 a.m. – Take lunch.
1:00 p.m. – Ebay time.
2:00 – ish p.m Facebook updates – LinkedIn.
4:30 p.m. – End of day update e-mail to management.
5:00 p.m. – Go home.

Again, I want to emphasize that I haven’t invented this schedule for the sake of making this story more interesting or to have a snazzy headline. This comes straight from Verizon; take that as you will. Apparently Bob had the same scam going across multiple companies in the area (this part is a little unclear given that he clearly couldn’t physically go into work for all of them), earning “several hundred thousand dollars a year,” and only paying the Chinese consulting firm “about fifty grand annually.” At the unnamed company, he apparently received excellent performance reviews for the last several years in a row, even being hailed the best developer in the building: his code was clean, well-written, and submitted in a timely fashion.

Anyone who says Bob’s work here isn’t brilliant is either anti-innovation or anti-American. This is big business on its smallest level. Macro-economical genius brought to the micro level. Tech companies are outsourcing American jobs to India and China because they produce equal work for much less pay? Why not make that system work for you personally?

A brilliant scheme, no doubt. Hell, I’m tempted to pull that stunt here and see how long I can keep up the charade. While I know some of you might think Neil is actually a robot or outsourced comedic blogging talent from Canada, all of the writers here are actually Americans. Which is a mistake by Pres if you ask me. Who’s to say a Chinese writer couldn’t hold down the Ass/Smoke/Sports fort while I spent my day in 2K13 and masturbatory relaxation?

“Face This Look Like: Man Eat Face Of Man With Bath Salt”

“Ass To Guess: And answer Lucy Liu. She traitor and act like loud American woman, but ass small. Small ass good. Slender. I put my pixels in her hairy pixels all night.”

“Smoking Show Woman: Li. Welcome Li From Xi’an Jiao Tong University. She very respectful of family and never shame. Modest girl work hard read fast. Quiet.”

You guys already don’t miss me.