philly.com – Krystle Campbell, fiancee of Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard, will be seen on TLC’s “Say Yes To the Dress” at 9 p.m. Friday. The show features Campbell and family or friends at New York’s Kleinfeld Bridal in search of the perfect gown. The couple are to wed Dec. 1 according to their online registry at Macy’s. (Most expensive item: A pair of Swarovski crystal toasting flutes. They seek three pairs at $390 per pair. Cheapest: 13-inch washcloths for $17. The couple are hoping to receive 6). Howard announced in April 2011 that he and Campbell, a schoolteacher and former Eagles cheerleader, were engaged.
With The Struggling Millionaire Formerly Known As The Big Piece getting hitched in December, why don’t we take a peek at some of the gaudy nonsense a man who hits a ball with a stick for a living can afford to ask his rich friends to buy? Shouldn’t be depressing at all.
#3 – Swarovski “Crystalline” Toasting Flutes
If only because it’s by far the most expensive item on the list and they’re requesting three of them. Who’s going to the be the third person who gets to hold the precious Swarovski flutes during the toast? Wedding DJs don’t need $400 glasses, kids.
#2 – Vera Wang Wedgwood Love Knots Cake Knife and Trowel
So THAT’S what it’s called. A trowel.
Definitely not worth 60 bucks, though. Especially for a knife/trowel combo by that amateur hour hack Vera Wang that’s only use will be one dumb cake-cutting picture . Suck my love knots, Wang.
#1 – Swarovski Barware, Crystalline Wine Bottle Stopper
“It’s filled with 1,950 crystal chatons and features 24 facets of dazzling crystal” Only 24? Might as well have this wedding in a box with a rat priest and Newport 100s party favors. But for real though I didn’t understand what any of that meant. What the hell is a chaton — 1,950 seems like it might be overkill. And is facet a thing or a measurement? If I drink 400 facets of wine would it be enough to ensure that I pass out and never have to wake up in a world with chaton-filled wine stoppers?