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Things That Are Real: ‘Hungry Hungry Hippos’ To Be Made Into A Movie

HOLLYWOOD – The company has signed a deal with Emmett/Furla, a prolific production banner run by co-founders Randall Emmett and George Furla, to finance and co-produce three movies in the next two years. The titles include Monopoly, the real estate board game; Action Man, a British version of Hasbro’s toy soldier line, G.I. Joe; and — we’re not kidding — Hungry Hungry Hippos, a game in which players try to collect marbles by “eating” them via their mouth-opening hippos.

I really have no words. There is seriously nothing original coming out of Hollywood anymore. The last, big Hollywood picture that was truly an original idea was Inception. And really that’s all that deserves comment on this subject because Hungry Hungry Hippos was by far the most useless and overrated game as a child. Not even close. Just give me a Sega Genesis or a screaming nerf football and call it a day.

The Top 5 Games I Would Dominate And Leave You Crying To Your Mother’s Tits As A Kid, I would seriously put money down against any Stoolie that wants to challenge me at any of these:

5) Monopoly – The absolute king of locking down the corner featuring St. James Place through Illinois Ave. Yeah I’ll trade you Park Place and Boardwalk for a monopoly of 3 of those properties all day every day.

4) Stratego – Just when you think you’ve got my flag cornered, here comes a bomb and a 1 to flank your tits.

3) Mario Kart 64: Hang to the back, get the boxes needed, sling dick to victory. And don’t even step into my battle game. I’ll be on top of block fort heat seek shelling your confused ass till hell freezes over.

2) Risk – Napoleon would bow down to my taint after just watching one hour of my military strategics.

1) Rummy 500 – Don’t think I’ve ever lost. Ever.

By smitty posted October 5th, 2012 at 12:12 PM

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by Numero Two on October 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

I'll take the Stratego bet. No other game comes down to strategy and psychoanalysis of your opponent like that game. It would have to be at least a 7 game series to be a true test.
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by englewood joyride on October 5, 2012 at 11:53 am

I can see this movie turning out like Real Steel.
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by Evil One on October 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Black people should only be allowed to buy Baltic, Oriental, Vermont etc, you know, shit you can afford
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by thewetbandits on October 5, 2012 at 12:20 pm

^take the advice of your username
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by Prezs Nose on October 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Literally everyone thinks they're the best at Mario Kart
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by lordcastlereagh on October 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

shame that the porno version of this will cater only to the fetish markets. such wasted potential
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by shutthefukup on October 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

so this is what the kids with alcoholic dads who couldn't afford cable did?? did u fist pump and say things like "in your face!!" when u made a move? poor people are hilarious!!
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by trappedinnyc on October 5, 2012 at 11:09 pm

ill take mario kart
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