Barstool Sports

BGN – Eagles owner Jeff Lurie and his wife Christina have announced that they will end their 20 year marriage. According to a release quote by Jonathon Tamari, the split won’t affect the operations of the team. In a message to employees they said their split will have “no impact whatsoever on the ownership, the business & the operations of the team”. Still, with the recent fiasco involving the Dodgers and the McCourt divorce, hearing the owners of your team are splitting up has to be at least some cause for concern. If anything, its at least worth keeping an eye on. For now, I would think its fair to take the Luries at their word that this won’t affect the team and to not worry about it until we actually get any indication that it would.

So everyone is reporting that this has been a long time coming and will have no impact on the team itself or the fans…but how much can we really believe this to be true? Could the Eagles possibly end up in some sort of custody battle over the team, thus forcing its resale and/or move to another city entirely? Again, the answer is probably “no”, but I’m gonna do my Fox News/MSNBC thing and just go ahead and say the Eagles are probably moving out of Philadelphia now.

Also, think about it: Jeffrey Lurie is a human.  Humans lie. There’s a human out there somewhere lying right now. You do the math. This is all a lie and the divorce will no doubt change the very fabric of the Eagles organization.

Of course, by the “he’s human” logic we can also call him a furious masturbator with one leg and a moonshine still in his basement, but as a serious journalistic institution who respects its readers it’s Barstool’s job to give you guys every possible angle. The Eagles are moving to Los Angeles. You heard it here first.