Barstool Sports

This is why the pros are the pros and the amateurs do years in prison. Gotta exchange large amounts of briefcase cash in an airport but aren’t trying to end up in police custody? Find a diversion. I can’t imagine how many of these plots end up with someone in handcuffs or with the money in the wrong hands like Dumb and Dumber. Real criminals understand the value of diverting security’s eyeballs, and nothing diverts eyeballs like a bitch on your payroll casually strolling up to an airport check-in counter wearing nothing but a thong. She does one night in jail and ends up with a cut of the cheese. Planned to perfection.

There’s definitely a considerable part of me that’s upset I’m sitting here typing on a computer instead of hovering over blueprints in a Ukrainian basement trying to decide the best way to get Boris his money before he poisons the town’s water supply. This is some real life Bond action here and it’s absolutely killing me inside knowing that I’ll forever be on the outside. One of my bucket list items is to walk around with a briefcase handcuffed to my wrist, but now even that seems hollow. I need real action in my life. Steel briefcase airport money exchange titty-flopping diversionary action.