philly.com – SHAYNA SYKES posted a photograph to Instagram recently of a new tattoo on her foot that reads “Live fast DIE PRETTY.” On Tuesday morning, Sykes, 23, and her fiance, Blake Bills, 24, fulfilled the first part of her foot-tattoo prophecy – and came dangerously close to the second – when they stole not one, but two police cars and led cops on a chase from Camden to Philadelphia at speeds of up to 100 mph before they were eventually arrested, police said. “Clearly, it was a very volatile situation. A lot of people could have gotten hurt, and this just was bizarre,” said Philadelphia Deputy Police Commissioner Richard Ross Jr. “I’ve never heard of an instance where two police cars from different states were stolen in the same incident.” Authorities say the chase may have capped a three-day crime spree for Sykes and Bills, who have a 7-month-old girl and whose relatives in their hometown of Macungie, Lehigh County, reported them missing several days ago.
Blake — can’t blame you, brother. How could you resist screwing your life up when there were two full D’s packed with crazy telling you grand theft auto of multiple police vehicles was a good idea? You didn’t stand a chance, Blake Bills. Also, Blake Bills and Shayna Sykes — those names are fucking incredible. No way you weren’t built for this.
But as I was saying, Blake here was just a pawn in this jawn’s giant titty evil schemes. Every man knows that very little in this world compares to sex with a crazy woman; it’s hard to even imagine how B(dot) Bills went this long before breaking a cop’s leg or instigating a jewel heist. Steve Blake here was so hypnotized and intoxicated by Tila Tequila’s big ‘ol Asian funbags that dude never thought twice about throwing his life and the life of their 7 month-old child down the drain.
Hot crazy women could control this world if they were only a little less crazy.