Before any talks about statehood and un-evening our awesomely even current number of states, let’s first make sure that nobody feeds my man with the afro and five-for-five coke nails after midnight. Just to be safe.
It’s really about time we brought in another state. Sure it’s great having a nice round 50, but what’s the point of being the world’s richest and most influential nation that also drone bombs the rest of the planet into submission if you can’t pick up a country or two along the way? We haven’t added anything new since Hawaii in 1959 — it’s time we got us some more beach front property. Plus this acquisition would nearly double our national reserves of hot asses, which in itself makes the deal worthy of being finalized.
All Puerto Rico needs now is a Lingerie Football League team, meth, and a Cracker Barrel and I think we can officially bring them aboard.