Marry – Lala Bonilla
Fuck – Big-Titty Blondes
Kill – Dakota Burns
Was watching He Got Game the other night and figured I’d bring it to the Stoolies. We’re going off of characters in the movie, so Lala Bonilla instead of Rosario Dawson, Dakota Burns instead of Milla Jovovich, and Big-Titty Blonde Chicks instead of The Coked-Up Freakshow Breast Duo.
This couldn’t be simpler. Marrying Lala even though she’s shallow and cheating and only after my money. Don’t care — hot Boricua gets the ring. Fucking the Big-Titty Blonde Chicks because they’re big titty blonde chicks. Can’t pass that up. JESUS HIMSELF couldn’t pass that up. And finally, while I love Milla and would’ve wifed her Fifth Element ass up in a lot of other situations, I can’t with this character. Hookers, man? She gets murdered and left in a shallow Nevada grave like most other washed-up bald prostitutes.