“Oh my God yes. After we win the Super Bowl this season, I’m taking EVERYBODY out to the dick doctor. On ME!”
And on February 28, 2013, at approximately 9:31 PM, the first overly-confident quote from an Eagles player of the new season was published. Congrats on being the first, Shady. “He’s gonna prove this year he can,” “Chip Kelly is meant to coach our team,” “He can win with this roster,” — stop. Please shhh-shut your mouth. Shut up. Nobody in Philadelphia wants to hear any more guarantees or predictions from whatever embarrassing remnants of the Dream Team are still left kicking around the Novacare Complex. All we want is a group of guys who can block and tackle and not make the city look bad by murdering dogs, acting like a child after losing a rap battle, or getting into fights on Twitter with their baby mothers putting their herpes and tiny dicks on blast. Can we get that? Please?
Fixing the Eagles is officially Charlie Work.