“Hi, I’m Joe Flacco, and I’m a boring everyman who flies under the radar.” That’s the narrative on Joe Flacco, and the one he spent his entire NFL career trying to fight. This whole year Joe used his energy railing against the notion that he was an average guy with decent skills but no personality. Then he gets paid and THIS is the first picture we get of him? Beaming a smile at the McDonald’s drive-thru fresh off signing a $120 million deal? Bro — you can’t go from dull regular guy to proclaiming yourself the best quarterback in the league then back to dull regular guy overnight. You’re full of shit.
Maybe you are a boring guy, but you’re definitely not THIS boring. This isn’t even average everyman behavior, not after signing $120 million deal it isn’t. Everyman after that deal is going to 5-star dishes with 50 exotic fishes, champagne wishes, and 30 white bitches. THAT’S what the common man does when he signs $52 million guaranteed into his pocket. He balls the fuck out because he’s not used to that sort of wealth and is unsure whether he’ll live much longer under the stress and pressure of the money. The everyman buys expensive stuff, whatever stuff is of his interest. Black guys will buy sneakers and clothes. Rednecks might buy ATVs and gear. Regular white dudes might buy 100″ 3D televisions, hookers, and stock. You know what they all have in common? They’re not fronting for the cameras like a poor person at McDonald’s.
You may have the rest of them tricked…but not me, Flacco. I see you, my South Jersey brother. Finally rich enough to sell that “common man” shtick you were trying to lose last year. This has PR written all over it. Stop being fake and buy a diamond chain or a piece of the Flyers.