Barstool Sports

One day human beings are going to solve sex — in a good way. Right now we’re just going at it thoughtlessly like apes, but this invention proves to me that there’s an entirely different level of sex most of us aren’t even thinking about.

What if instead of just a vibrator this thing had a little invisible sticker that also covered her clit, and instead of only reading how close you are could detect every minute movement of your fingers? Controller could be dipping your hands into some Minority Report digital bath and playing that chick’s violin like (Googles violinists) Guiseppi Tartini. Motherfuckers would be waving their fingertips over their cell phones with the Vagina Virtuoso app playing a broad’s pussy like Beethhoven giving chicks the “Jizz In My Pants” face anytime and anywhere they desired. And with all this increased vaginal attention the women of this world would end up passing out blowjobs and anal like high fives. Everybody wins.

Do it, science.