Barstool Sports

Arbroath – A German water park has banned women from a high-speed slide, claiming whooshing water was causing “intimate injuries”. The park’s manager said the X-treme Faser slide was made men-only after several women complained of being hurt by water as they flung themselves down the slide, where people can reach speeds of 72 kmh. Marcus Maier said six women had reported injuries to the genital area last year, and some of them had to be taken to hospital. No men have reported genital injuries, he said. “These injuries are caused by the nature of the female anatomy,” Maier said. But the Professional Association of Gynaecologists was sceptical. A spokeswoman said there was no medical reason why women shouldn’t use such a slide, unless they were pregnant.

I had an intimate injury once. More than once really if I’m being honest. Being NBA height yet trying to act smooth on a freshman year twin-sized bottom bunk can lead to some interesting groin pulls and head trauma. Bet half of ya’ll don’t even know how hard it is to play off dual mid-sex calf cramps and still stay in the game like it doesn’t feel like you’ve been blasted in the legs with a shotgun. Tall sex can be a dangerous sport. The payoff is usually worth it, but close-quarters intimate injuries can occur.

Never encountered a water-induced bruised vagina, though.  Which I’m guessing is what’s happening here?  Bruised jay-jay’s from all the fast-rushing water?  I believe the Germans call it ‘PUSSENWASSERBREKEN’.  Guard your holes, ladies.