Barstool Sports

PFT – In the viewing room at 30 Rock, only a couple of pregame features make the various on-air personalities (e.g., Dan Patrick, Rodney Harrison, Tony Dungy), producers, veteran reporters (i.e., Peter King), and Internet hacks (i.e., me) stop and pay attention. One of those moments comes when Frank Caliendo does his thing on FOX. Unfortunately, Caliendo won’t be doing his thing on FOX any more. The comedian has announced on his Twitter and Facebook pages that he won’t return in 2012. “I will not be back this coming season,” Caliendo said via Facebook. ”It was great to be part of the team with Terry and the guys for the last 9 years, but it’s time to move on. I have a couple of upcoming ventures that look like they may be pretty cool. . . . And as soon as I can tell you more about them — I definitely will.”

Nice try, FOX. Almost got me trusting in the judgement of other people again. And you fired him after only nine years of outdated impressions and thoughtless picks? You almost got me.

The thing is: he still fucking sucks. Now he’s just going to suck somewhere else. He’ll suck on the internet or on the radio or on a rival network, but you can guarantee that as long as there are football-watching morons in this country, there will always be a place for a fat guy to do impressions during pre-game in between forced laughter by concussion-dulled former players.

Why can’t NFL pre-game shows be as good as Inside the NBA? I’m a much bigger football fan than basketball fan, yet none of the morning shows keep me half as entertained as Inside the NBA. I know football can’t just pull a Charles Barkley out of their ass, but there has to be some player out there who is honest and will say things to keep the viewing public on the edge of our seats. Chuck is a wildcard and has always been fantastic television. At any moment Barkley is liable to call Kris Humphries a faggot or say something disparaging about the President. Terry Bradshaw doesn’t have the balls to do that. Terry Bradshaw isn’t a wildcard. FOX and CBS need to hire someone who actually says thoughtful or entertaining things and not just have four old men fake laugh at each other for an hour.

PS – I always thought Frank Caliendo and Larry the Cable Guy should do a buddy cop comedy together where they both play the dumb cop and get murdered in the first 10 minutes.