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Facebook Introduces ‘Couples Pages’, Mayan Apocalypse Can’t Come Fast Enough

DM – Facebook has launched the first ‘couples pages’ allowing people to chronicle their relationship on the site. They bring together every event attended together, every picture and every post onto one page. However, singletons shouldn’t feel left out – Facebook has also revealed a similar service for friends. The social networking giant says the new pages will allow users to see exactly which moments and pictures they have shared with friends on a single page. ‘Starting today, we’re introducing a new layout for friendship pages,’ said Facebook’s Arun Vijayvergiya. ‘Friendship pages combine posts, photos and events that you and another person have shared. ‘Click the gear menu at the top of a friend’s timeline to see a friendship page. ‘If you’ve listed yourself as in a relationship with someone, you can also visit facebook.com/us to see the friendship page you share with that person.’ The new pages also allow people to share their couples page, sending it to friends and family.

Couples who love each other too openly are a top five problem in society as it stands today. The list goes something like this:

Bears.
Vinegar on hoagies.
War.
Tsunamis.
Lovey-Dovey Couples.

And not even necessarily in that order.

It’s a wonder that these smug assholes are able to vomit their supposed love for one another in all of our faces without other humans of decent intelligence putting an immediate stop to it. Nobody believes you’re that much in love. Remember that time you had that weird passive-aggressive argument at your own party and made everyone so uncomfortable that nobody showed up at your next event? Remember that time nobody answered your texts when you asked the other couples to go to dinner? Yeah, that shit was on purpose. And yes, you DID look fat in that ridiculous Christmas Card you emailed to everybody (even your Jewish friends). Oh, your dog’s dressed up like a reindeer in it this year? Kill yourselves.

Couples Halloween costume AGAIN? Ketchup and Mustard!? Jesus Christ.

When’s this world ending again?

By maurice posted November 12th, 2012 at 3:18 PM

Top 2 Comments

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by taco_bun on November 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
you're bad at this job
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by phil leotardo on November 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Facebook’s Arun Vijayvergiya = smelly snake charmer
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by double rainbow on November 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm
mo, leave these blogs for kfc
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by thatshitcray on November 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Worst Top Five list ever. It clearly goes 1) Neil 2) Girls who want to kiss you after blowjobs 3) Condoms 4) Making the decision between getting up to piss or waiting for halftime 5) Lovey-Dovey Couples
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by dopedick on November 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Vinegar on hoagies?? Bears? F-
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by patrickewingsasshairs on November 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm
What the fuck is a hoagie? It's called a sub, and vinegar belongs on it all day everyday. Let me guess, you ask for extra mayo????
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by philly faithful on November 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm
lol mo, funny title. can't wait for the "jeff lurie is still in Philly, armageddon a welcome release?" articles. get on it. lots of digging to do on shitty Lurie.
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by Boo Radley on November 12, 2012 at 9:45 pm
The decision to get up to piss is the worst thing ever
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by Boo Radley on November 12, 2012 at 9:46 pm
The decision to get up to piss is the worst thing ever
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by tornopen on November 12, 2012 at 11:07 pm
Fuck you facebook.When my wife is not dry humping Pinterest for meatload recipes, and she discovers this.... I am going to have call Verizon so I can turn off her iPhone data plan.I will blame it somehow on Superstorm Sandy.
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by tornopen on November 12, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Vinegar on subs is ok, only ghetto thrash with a palette of a hobo smother mayo on that shit.
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by dustman on November 13, 2012 at 2:46 am
you called it thatshitcray. I like vinegar on my hoagies. only on italian hoagies though
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