UTAH – Police in Midvale, a suburb of Salt Lake City, say the 30-year-old Andrew Marlin Curtis stole a truck last week while trying to stop a former girlfriend’s wedding. He was charged on Thursday with unauthorized control of a vehicle for an extended time, a third-degree felony. “Stealing a car to stop a wedding? Haven’t seen it, not in my career,” Cpl. Justin Hoyal of the Unified Police Department, which covers several unincorporated areas, told the Los Angeles Times. Hoyal said that when a friend failed to give Curtis a ride, he stole a truck that had been left running in a Midvale parking lot and drove to his ex-girlfriend’s house. He later crashed the vehicle in a church parking lot, leaving behind the truck’s license plate and bumper. The damage is estimated to be $1,000. Hoyal told The Times that Curtis eventually returned the truck to its original parking place. He told officers at the scene that he took it while trying to persuade his ex-girlfriend not to get married. But for Curtis, there was no happy ending, police said: The bride-to-be wouldn’t speak to him.
Love. Andrew Marlin (Marlin? Kind of dig it) Curtis’ achilles heel. Well, love and being such a catch he doesn’t own a car and gets stood up by his own friends for a ride on what he considered to be the most urgent day in his life.
See, the effort was there, just the execution was way off. You gotta have something really going for you if you’re going to pull a Benjamin Braddock and sweep some tits off her feet. I’m talking millionaire or movie-star type of status to where it overshoots the aurora of what her idea of her wedding should be, which for the average female is so fucking unrealistically princessed up you would have to be Prince Charming himself riding in on a unicorn queefing confetti to even come close. Andrew Marlin Curtis stealing trucks at 7-11′s then crashing it into the vestibule doesn’t seem like that kind of cat. Close to it, but no dice.
PS – The bitch wouldn’t even speak to him? Dude’s going away for 3-5 because he loves you and you won’t even give him a hello let alone an appreciation handy behind the alter? What a cunt muffin.