Barstool Sports

Arbroath – A man was naked and masturbating while driving in St. Lucie County on Monday, according to a police report. Robert Casey, who turned 49 on Sunday, was driving his Jeep Cherokee in Fort Pierce when a tow truck driver pulled up alongside him, a report from the Fort Pierce Police Department said. The tow truck driver told investigators he saw a naked man masturbating while driving the Cherokee. “The male’s hands were in his groin area moving around,” the police report said. When Casey was eventually pulled over along the side of Interstate 95, it took him a moment to come to a stop because, according to the arresting officer’s notes in the report, he was still trying to get dressed. When the officer asked him why he was driving naked, “Casey stated that he has problems with this and he is getting therapy,” the report said, adding that the man couldn’t explain why he was naked. The officer then patted Casey down and found a toy pistol tied to his leg, part of which was hidden in Casey’s behind. Another portion of the contraption was tied around his genitals, the report said. Casey was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail on a charge of lewd and lascivious behaviour.

A toy gun up his ass AND around his balls? That’s one hell of a pistol! What toy store do they sell that at? Can I get a Barbie in a gimp suit and some anal silly putty, too?

Here’s the thing, Robert: all men feel that there are times when they wanna jerk off but can’t. It happens at work, at home when everybody’s around, and every Sunday at churches all around this great nation. But you know what we do? WAIT to jerk off later. Except for at work maybe, then I’m sure a lot of us are just going into the private stall and handling business. But the point remains — you can wait til you get home to do all the nude toy gun anal insertion ball constriction masturbation you please. Hell, throw in a little noose choke action while you’re at it. It’s your home — no need to be so conservative.