Barstool Sports

FloriDUH - When Mark Welch awoke from an odd dream on Sunday, he was convinced that everything in his dream was actually happening for real. So he told his parents, who said they didn’t believe him, according to a news release from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. So the 18-year-old then call 911 to report the incident. The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office dispatcher tried to make sense of the story before sending a deputy to the scene, but was unsuccessful, according to the record: Dispatcher: “What’s happening?” Welch: “Everything that happened today is actually in my dream, and I want to prove it to everybody.” Disatcher: “What did you dream about that’s happening?” Welch: “It’s all on paper. I wrote it down.” The responding deputy who had arrived at Welch’s home near Orange City determined that Welch apparently had a pipe dream from the K2 — synthetic pot — that he had been smoking, but didn’t need of any medical attention, according to the record. Welch was told not to call 911 again unless he had a genuine emergency. And his parents even hid the phone from him. About 40 minutes after the first call, Welch went to a neighbor’s house and called 911 again, saying he was still trying to prove something to his family about his dream, the report stated. “The officer told me not to call back,” Welch allegedly said. “And he said if I called back, then ya’ll were going to take me to court. So I’m calling back.” The dispatcher asked Welch if he wanted to go to the slammer. “I have to prove something to my family,” he answered. “So can you send an officer back?” Welsh did reportedly admit to the dispatcher there was no emergency. The same deputy who had responded to Welsh’s first call returned to his home and promptly arrested him for misuse of the 911 system, a 1st-degree misdemeanor.

Let me just get this out in the open right now: I believe him. I do. One of my biggest pet peeves in the world is when something serious happens and nobody believes the person telling the story. It’s the main reason I cringe through a quarter of the movies I see. Some character sees a guy murdered in the closet, runs to show someone, then when they get back the blood is all cleaned up and the friend doesn’t believe them. HATE that shit. Why would your FRIEND lie about a MURDER? Doesn’t make sense.

In fact, anyone who knows me personally knows that I will 100% believe them if that situation ever arises. I’ve told my people if movie situations like this ever happen to simply say “You know like in the movies when nobody believes the one character who is right? This is one of those situations” and I’d understand.

Well, a couple years back a friend of mine was doing salvia for the first time in her bathroom and called me just as the hallucinations began. Hit me with the “you know like in the movies” line IMMEDIATELY, so I perked up and listened intently. Of course her story was complete drugged-up insanity nonsense, but I still trusted that somewhere in all of the babbling was some truth. Maybe it was spiritual or metaphysical or something else I don’t quite understand, but something that her salvia’d mind saw was real.

So you know what, Mark Welsh? I’m on your side, bruh. You smoked so much fake weed that you dreamed everything that happened before it happened? Why the hell not? Could be true. Maybe the police should spend more time examining your fortune-telling documents and less time processing your arrest. The truth is out there.

Just probably not in your synthetic marijuana.