– Angered that his girlfriend ignored his demands to stop cursing, a Florida man allegedly washed her mouth out with dishwashing liquid, police allege. John Vincent Caruso, 26, was arrested following a confrontation with Stephanie Madewell, 20, in the Hudson home they share with their two children. Madewell told Pasco County Sheriff’s Office deputies that she had been arguing with Caruso when he warned that, “if she raised her voice again he would put soap in her mouth.” While Madewell was seated on a couch, Caruso “came up behind her” and “put a bottle of liquid dish soap in her mouth and squeezed the bottle,” according to a sheriff’s report. Madewell, who said that the Dawn soap “went into her mouth and throat,” told deputies that as she sought to knock the bottle out of Caruso’s hand, he pulled it out of her mouth, slicing her lip in the process. A deputy reported that Madewell had a cut on her upper lip, and that there was “dried up dish soap on her right cheek/chin and down her neck into her bra and shirt.” When questioned by a deputy, Caruso “admitted he squirted soap into Stephanie’s mouth,” according to a criminal complaint charging him with domestic battery. Caruso was booked into the Pasco County jail, where he remains in custody. Before he was arrested, Caruso told an investigator that his parents used to put soap in his mouth. He added that he “will still put soap in his mouth now out of respect for his parents.”
See, you had me up until the “will still put soap in his mouth now out of respect for his parents”. That’s psycho talk. Everybody who has ever been in a long-term relationship with a woman or a short-term relationship with a woman or a conversation with a woman knows that the desire to unload a bottle of dish soap in their mouths is hard to subdue. It can spring up out of anywhere and if you aren’t careful you’ll find yourself clutching a bottle of Dawn ready to poison the mother of your two children. But you’re 26 and still putting curse word guilt soap in your mouth for your parents, bro? You need to relax. Let your testicles descend. Your kids saying “fuck” doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to end up as high school dropouts sniffing glue and plotting half-baked Apple store robberies. What’s going to screw the up are the memories of vicious arguments between their parents, especially when they end with bloody mouth soap, the poison control center, and police questioning.