Barstool Sports

Rotoworld – Police say Dez Bryant assaulted his mother by slapping her across the face and pulling her hair. Angela Bryant did not need to be taken to the hospital, but she did tell police she had pain and swelling as a result of the injuries. Dez has been booked on Class A family violence charge. Since it’s his first official arrest — and not a felony — it’s unclear if a suspension is looming. Dez’s mother became a hot topic around the 2010 draft when Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asked the talented prospect if his mother was a prostitute. She also spent 18 months in jail during Dez’s childhood for selling crack cocaine.

You guys remember when I called Dez Bryant’s eventual fall from grace and he kept proving me right over and over? Of course you do.

This is a perfect example of how people confuse immaturity with actual criminality. DeSean Jackson is immature, Dez Bryant is a criminal. DeSean Jackson grew up with a strong father figure and while he’s a cocky showboat, he’s not a fucking criminal. Dez Bryant’s dad pimped his mom while she was selling coke and now he’s backhanding her like pops used to.  Criminal.

Seriously, what possible situation calls for slapping your mom in the face and pulling her hair?  Like I can’t even imagine anything that could possibly happen that would make me decide to slap moms in the face.  Of course, I’m not an emotional dickhole who gets kicked out of malls for sagging my pants too low, either.  Speaking of which, how dumb do you have to be to start for the fucking COWBOYS and get kicked out of a shopping mall in DALLAS?  God Dez Bryant is terrible.

I hope Dez Bryant gets Gwyneth Paltrow pregnant and the kid explodes in her stomach.