Barstool Sports

Youtube Description

Witnesses say two guys in the Brightmoor neighborhood were so passionate about the way they make Kool-Aid, they started arguing with each other over who does it better. Sadly, that fight took a horrifying turn when they both pulled out guns and started firing at each other. Again, this was over Kool-Aid. They didn’t hit each other, but two innocent bystanders suffered gunshot wounds in the soft drink shooting. Police call it utterly ridiculous, but they’ve seen worse.

If you’re not familiar with “coonery”, you just unknowingly became familiar. I use race to make jokes and cause a stir all the time — but I’m not a real “journalist”. I write titty jokes on a crude sports blog. This woman is a news reporter and could have just as easily told this story without all the Kool-Aid B-roll and detailed niggerdom. I just imagine some white Detroit Fox news TV producer in his office reading the Huffington Post spitting out his coffee: “Gunshots…KOOL-AID!? In MY city?? Black reporter to the scene fucking STAT!”. Just saying I bet like 50 other people died in Detroit that day in non juice-related incidents.

But let’s get down to business. First off how many old abandoned school buildings does Detroit have? That shit ain’t normal, D.

No wonder motherfuckers are shooting each other over Kool-Aid — they spend their childhoods drinking E&J and Red Dog hanging out in the old abandoned middle school.

The reason for the argument is simple. Kmarko assumed it was over the flavor of Kool-Aid, but I heartily disagree. Red is good. Blue is good. Pink is good. They’re all good colors flavors. Any black person can tell you that this argument wasn’t over the type of Kool-Aid, but the proper way to SWEETEN said Kool-Aid. Different families use different amounts of sugar. The maurice household had a one cup of sugar rule. Is that a lot of sugar? Yes. Is it more than a lot of people? No. Are sugary vitaminless drinks a major reason why African Americans have disproportionally higher rates of diabetes? Probably.

But I stick by my one cup of sugar per Kool-Aid packet rule. I don’t really drink Kool-Aid anymore as I pretty much stick to water and alcohol, but to this day anything more or less than a cup of sugar just tastes off. I bet these guys each just grew up in Kool-Aid households on opposite sides of the sugar spectrum.

“FOUR CUPS!”
“SUGARLESS!”
“SUGARLESS!?!?” [blam blam blam]

Simple as that.

Also, Andrea Isom, thanks for pointing out how purple the shooter’s Impala was.