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Apple Patents The Right To Remotely Shut Off And Control Your Phone

Remember last month when I blogged about Apple’s recent patent to shut off your phone whenever you enter a specific area? Well it turns out the patent allows Apple to do a lot more than just your deactivate camera. Shit’s wild. Makes me wonder how long it’ll take before the United States government reaches a decision that it’s okay for Apple to come to your house and instruct robots to molest your face.

Not long, I’m sure. After watching this video get into the specifics about the possible totalitarian governmental uses of the Apple patent, it doesn’t seem that far fetched to imagine Apple being granted the freedom to forcibly shove giant metal robot dicks into people’s mouths. Who’s gonna stop them…the military? Apple has more money than our entire country right now! Forced robot BJs are definitely next. Then they’ll grab us by our ankles with their titanium claws, hoist us upside-down, and comically shake us until all of our money falls into their steely grates.

We really gotta start reading the fine text in those terms & agreements.

By maurice posted October 15th, 2012 at 1:25 PM

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by exitwounds on October 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm
controlling your shit, post mortem
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by dinkyinyourstinky on October 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Sounds like the Government is ramping up for another 9/11. Ok... I'll even admit that was a psychotic comment... but imagine? No cameras? #Conspiracy #Fear #Poop
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by Logjammin on October 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm
people are dumb as shit, and i have no problem with smart people controlling the actions of the masses. oh and its not like this is some brand new idea either.
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by kgeezy on October 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm
location off and/or cellular data off...take picture. leave, turn location on?
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by 4guys1barstool on October 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm
This kid was probably captured by the government and buried deep in those woods
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by pedrofartinez on October 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm
this is a big problem. people think the government is the big problem when big business is way way more powerful.and Maurice, being a dumbass, sees a corporation taking control of the people, blames the government. Does the government suck? Yes. Does big business do more harm? Absolutely
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by talentlesshack on October 15, 2012 at 2:05 pm
Maurice, you're such a fucking moron it's ridiculous. You do realize that the US Treasury can literally print money and the Fed can issue bonds right? Furthermore, why don't you take a look at the fucking balance sheets you dumb-as-shit-mother-fucking-ignorant-ass. Who gives a fuck if Apple can turn off your phone when you want to go on a tour of the CIA or the White House? I'm all for it. Fuck you
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by edrooney on October 15, 2012 at 2:07 pm
With Apple Maps technology, I'm not really worried.
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by talentlesshack on October 15, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Pedorfartinez - you sir are a small minded moron. Why don't you look at Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pick-an-African-country, and China and then tell me who does more harm to individuals, like real fucking harm.
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by englewood joyride on October 15, 2012 at 2:11 pm
You don't read those fine texts and agreements? You don't wanna end up like in south park do you?
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by pedrofartinez on October 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm
really talentlesshack, you think I was referring to the Middle East, and not America? Really, thats what you thought I meant?
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by talentlesshack on October 15, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Yes you little dicked idiot. Because naturally one of your arguments against big business would be how they employ workers in developing nations and working condition/salary issues. If that isn't one of your arguments than you're even a bigger idiot than I thought. So yes, if you're talking big business which produces much of their goods and services overseas in more developing economies, I'm talking about governments - plural.
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by neilsfather106 on October 15, 2012 at 6:46 pm
DAYUM DIS GOVERNMENT ALWWAYZ CONSPIRIN AGAINZT ME....IM JUS WAITIN FOR DEM TO TURN MA PHONE OFFF IMA BE PISSED!
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by WestCoastStoolie on October 15, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Seriously, why the fuck did that dude have to be in the woods to make this video?
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by pedrofartinez on October 15, 2012 at 7:13 pm
jesus christ, what the fuck did I just read you fucking retard? WHat the fuck did that mean talentlesshack. Fuck I'm so sick of this site being bombarded by retard numbskulls
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