We Must Prevent Anybody Who Attends “Adult Kindergarten” From Procreating

Billy Madison (1995)  Directed by Tamra Davis Shown: Adam Sandler

CBC – Adult kindergarten is supposed to help people re-establish play and laughter in their lives. There are different centres set up, including one for Lego, one for art and one for discovery.

They also dance and use a paper shredder to help release stress. “The first thing that we usually do is we go into the kitchen and there’s some pieces of paper where you write down anything that’s bothering you. So if you’ve had a bad day, if somebody ticked you off, you write it down on the piece of paper and right next to it is the shredder — you shred it,” Dohey said.

Basically it’s a way to let go of things that bother you, that worry you. There’s a great feeling of freedom [that] comes with that.”

I can only imagine the type of people who will unironically enroll themselves into “adult kindergarten”. In theory, sure, this is a great idea. There’s definitely a ton of pros that come with going back to kindergarten. You get nap time. You get snack time. Dodgeball. Your teacher could either be some crazy old lady or a smokeshow 23-year-old so it’s at least a 50-50 chance there of having a teacher you can bang. But if you need a way to “let go of things that bother you”, be a fucking adult for once in your life and do what all adults are supposed to do in this situation. Drink your body weight in alcohol until you can hardly even remember your name.

That’s the thing. When you’re in kindergarten you’re not “allowed” to drink and it’s “frowned upon” for children to have alcohol. So the only thing you can do to get rid of all that stress you have as a 5-year-old is to scribble down your feelings in crayon on a sheet of paper. But that’s not the case anymore as an adult. You want an outlet to be creative? Go get your hands on some drugs (not advocating for drug use but I’m just saying). Super stressed out because you’ve got these bills piling up and your boss is an asshole and your relationship is hanging on by a thread? That’s why God invented bars. So like I said, adult kindergarten has plenty of potential but this isn’t it. Whoever attends this class should be sterilized immediately because if you can’t just bottle up all of your emotions until one day you eventually explode like a real adult, then you don’t deserve to bring new life into this world.


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