Tex “Pranks” Purple Starfish And Calls League To Forfeit Final Game, Is Actually A Total Dick
As we stated yesterday, the Purple Starfish were supposed to live stream our final regular season game last night. Upon arrival, the kind ref informed us a “Captain” came in and said our game was cancelled. Almost instantly we knew something was up. We questioned the ref to give a description of said “Captain” and he legitimately said “He had a mullet, a Southern draw, and wasn’t all there.”
Tex. That inbred cowfucker tried to pull a fast one on us…and he kind of did.
Tex called the league, impersonated Brett, and forfeited our game. You mean to tell me the NY Urban Recreational Basketball League doesn’t have multiple firewalls to break through to confirm identification of the captains? For shame. But seriously I’ll give credit where credit is due…this was a decent prank. We conned him into not showing up to our game last week, he got us back. An eye for an eye. Or was it?
As with the cocks he smokes, this prematurely backfired on Tex. Maybe, just maybe that fucking idiot should’ve realized that we were actually playing regular Joe Schmo’s last night who paid $1,500+ to play in the league. Our teams got sponsored by Barstool, obviously, so nobody had anything to lose when we cancelled the game last week (as we are live streaming this Thursday). People in this league, as with any adult intramural activity whether it’s basketball, dodgeball, or darts, pay good money and look forward to coming to games as an escape. Something to keep the competitive edge and relax after a tough day’s work. Tex ultimately ruined the night of multiple innocent people. And for that, he’s a dick. Like, seriously. Not cool at all.
Other than that, I, as GM of The Purple Starfish, must thank Tex for allowing us to run 5 on 5 last night and truly come together as a team in preperation for Thursday’s match up vs. the Chippy’s. Kmarko got his shot back. Francis was throwing down 2-handed jams. Coley didn’t die on the court. As you can see, it was a great, and productive time had by all.
See you tomorrow Tex. Only on the Barstool APP and in your nightmares. Bitch.
PS – Somehow, someway the most outrageous part of the night to me was when Nate was Twitching/Periscoping the game from my phone. There was a moment when he just standing there not recording anything. I snuck up behind him and blatantly caught him going through my Tinder account. Seriously. Like, really, man? The LAST thing I need is that creature sabotaging my love life. I do that well enough already. UPDATE: In Nate’s defense he said he was closing out my APPS and when I walked over that’s all I saw. May have overreacted. Still though, old school Jack Nicholson said it best: