Pretty Sure These Classless Cricket Fans Were Piling Trash On A Dead Guy
All across the interwebs, people are laughing at these *zany* cricket fans for piling their trash on a sleeping old man at the biggest event in sports this past weekend–the England vs Pakistan cricket match. As if it were as innocent as parents stacking Cheerios on their sleeping babies’ heads. But I’m not totally positive that this man is asleep. In fact, I think he may actually be dead. In which case, these cricket fans are defiling his dead body with their waste in the most disrespectful manner of all time. And you idiots thought that Philly fans were bad.
Now there’s a lot of shit about cricket that I’ll never understand. Mostly things like how the game is played, why the game is played, scoring, the rules, everything. But the thing that I’ll never understand the most is how long the matches last. Because it’s pure lunacy. I’m a journalist and part of being a journalist is getting my hands dirty with some research. And after putting in my due diligence and googling “how long do cricket matches last”, it would appear that “cricket matches are played over three to five days with, at least, six hours of cricket being played each day”. Three to five days just for one match. And then you have to think to yourself; what are old people the best at out of anybody else in the world? Dying. It’s literally their favorite hobby. They’re so good at it. Just look at the last 5 loves of Nate’s life. They die like they’re going out of style. So it’s not all too inconceivable to think that at some point or another, some old heads would just drop dead at a cricket match that could last anywhere from a long weekend to a full work week. Probably happens more times than you’d think.
Thoughts and prayers to the family, and may this man rest in peace. Cricket fans. What a bunch of scumbags. I’ll be accepting apologies on behalf of Philly sports fans everywhere considering we would never stoop this low just for a few laughs.