I Will Fight Anybody Who Tries To Give Me Chocolate Covered Brussels Sprouts This Halloween
We all had those sons of bitches in our neighborhoods growing up who thought it would be a great idea to hand out toothbrushes for Halloween. Or maybe they’d hand out fruit or maybe they’d hand out out candy with needles inside of them. Either way, these people were about as short-sighted and dim-witted as they come because that was the easiest way to subject your house/yard to getting egged and TP’d mercilessly. Those people suck balls and they deserved every last bit of vandalism that went down on their property. But in comes this bag of dicks Mark Sparrow. Who thinks it would be such a hilarious idea to hand out chocolate covered Brussels sprouts this year for Halloween and tricking kids into thinking they are those bomb ass Ferrero Rocher chocolates. And I don’t want to overreact here by saying this should be punishable by death. But the standard egging and toilet papering just isn’t justice enough for this type of savagery.
So here’s my proposal. Remember those little bastards in North Philly from yesterday who are currently wreaking havoc on Temple’s campus? Obviously they are all a lost cause and there’s no chance they can ever be civilized. They obviously have a need for destructive behavior and to inflict harm on others. So I think we should let them purge a little bit. Anybody who hands out chocolate covered Brussels sprouts this year for Halloween is fair game for those little monsters to terrorize. We’ll all just turn a blind eye and let it happen. It’s about time Trick-or-Treating got some enforcers anyway.