Fish In Sweeden Are Now Biting Men's Balls Off

SWEDEN – Men in Sweden have been warned to keep their swimwear on while bathing in the Öresund Sound off the southern coast of Sweden after a relative of the piranha, Pacus, was discovered in the area. “They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,” explained Henrik Carl, fish expert at the Danish museum. Pacus have reportedly killed fishermen who have bled to death after losing their testicles.

And you thought it was scary going into the ocean at the Jersey shore where you can’t see the bottom when you’re 4 inches deep. Nope. I’ll take swimming with needles, feces and Hep-C any day of the week over jumping into the water with Piranhas evolutionary programmed to take a bite out of your sac. Sorry, Sweden. I’ll stick to the States where the only animals that have testicles sit nicely in their mouth but still instinctively bite down cause their hungry is limited to the Precious and Kardashian species.

In other thoughts, Swedish Fish is the worst candy in the game. Who actually likes licorice? The taste falls somewhere in between Candy Corn and Duck Taint.