A simple Charley Horse and Chuck turns it into a comedy of errors worthy of a Shakespearean play. Most people would try to stretch or punch out the pain but Barkley goes with the “I sharted and there is no hope” look combined with pinching his lip just because someone suggested it would help. If he would’ve been told to drop his pants and helicopter the cameraman to get rid of the pain Charles would’ve sheded the drawers and whipped it out swinging in a nanosecond.
Is there anything this man can’t make fascinating? No wonder every media market tries to get Sir Charles some airtime. He doesn’t know diddly about NCAA basketball other than what state Auburn is in and they have him as a main analyst for March Madness. And that’s fine by all. An hour of watching Charles Barkley watch paint dry would be better than 90% of what’s on TV. You know he’d be drunk and somehow lose a couple grand on bets before saying something hilariously racist and falling asleep sitting up. Quality programming.
Obligatory Bonus on every Chuck post: THE TOP TEN CHARLES BARKLEY QUOTES OF ALL-TIME:
10. “I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I’d work for the Klan.”
9. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: “Thank goodness. I just hope she doesn’t start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way, I won’t have to kill anybody before I get inducted.”
8. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: “Phone home.” And later he remarks to Kenny, “Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he’s not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon.”
7. Asked if he had ever been in the governor’s office in Montgomery, Barkley said no. “They don’t let many black people in the governor’s mansion in Alabama,” he said, “unless they’re cleaning.”
6. “When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met my academic requirements.”
5. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the Chicago Bulls: “Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss’s wife having sex with a monkey.”
4a. On national TV on Valentines day: “I’d never buy my girl a watch… she’s already got a clock over the stove.”
4b. “If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she’s ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can’t play a lick. Same thing.”
3. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says, “Somebody hits me, I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me.”
2. After retiring from basketball: “I’m just what America needs – another unemployed black man.
1. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: “Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you have any regrets?”
Charles: “Yeah I regret we weren’t on a higher floor”