And Here We Have Fultz Heroically Evading Bullets (Dodgeballs) En Route To A Slam

What does dodging rubber balls on the basketball court have to do with being the #1 overall NBA pick? Everything, of course. Well, at least everything according to the station formerly regarded as The Worldwide Leader Of Sports. Maybe next time toss some banana peels on the hardwood or upgrade to actual gunfire to see if he makes it to the rim. Whatever keeps the cord intact.

It is kind of cool to see Fultz boogy his way around the court. If anything he’s lucky he didn’t hurt himself with a pulled hammy or a shot straight to the jimmies. In fact, I’m doubting the authenticity of these professional dodgeball players. A real White Goodman is connecting with the heat on every chuck. And don’t tell me they were missing on purpose. I don’t care if he’s the preemptive number 1 pick overall, it’s a matter of integrity on the dodgeball court to go for the kill – No matter what. All’s fair in love, war, and dodgeball. As I emphatically stated many times before, I will never apologize for making a woman cry in dodgeball (with the exception of when I punctured my friend’s eardrum during counselor dodgeball at the Main Line YMCA – My deepest apologies again, Yvonne). Everyone is equal in the God Of Dodgeball’s eyes. If you step onto the court of battle you’re likely to get shot. It’s just the way it is. Now pray Fultz doesn’t request to do this again in Philly with real cannon fire. There would be no survivors, myself included.

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