The First 100 Yards After Paying a Toll
This lane-less, lawless, free-for-all scramble is not only a battle for positioning on the highway, but in life in general. The reckless Wild West that is those first 100 yards will provide more answers to “Who am I?” than any doctor, medicine, or run-in with shrooms ever could. Are you gonna weave in and out of your fellow man to establish dominance as the lead of the pack? Will you let the Asian in her minivan cut you off and control the left lane? Or will you pay the toll with exact change like a pussy and not even enter the pursuit of superiority? Change-payers are scared. Scared to fail, so they hedge their bets by coming to a complete stop to pay the toll, and gently coasting to the middle lane.
The Quick Left
There’s a fine line between asshole and aggressive when it comes to driving, and the quick left at a red light turned green toes this line like no other. Eye contact with the driver coming straight is a killer, but whether or not a man has the balls to take off at the change and pull the left is a clear indication of who he is on the inside. Some will call it a dick move, but if you’re asleep at the wheel for one second, I’m taking what’s rightfully mine.
The Yellow Light Decision
You’re 100 feet out, and the green just turned yellow. What’s your play? Your heart’s racing with indecision, beads of sweat accumulate on your forehead- you have two options: brake before the intersection like a timid guy named Glen or accelerate through to the other side with a sense of pride and conviction. I think it’s safe to assume a direct correlation between penis size and the reaction to the in-between distance yellow light.
If you and another driver a couple lanes over are attempting to capture the same spot in the lane that separates the two of you, do you give up position or attempt to edge him out? Somebody’s getting that spot. I just don’t know if I could look myself in the mirror if that somebody wasn’t me.
Take note of these subtle consistencies the next time you’re on the road, and maybe you’ll understand why you got beat out for the promotion by the guy who just sped through the yellow light that you stopped for.