You know whats downright hilarious about both of these lists? Numbers 4 and 5 on both the Mens and Womens lists are the real reasons the break ups occur. For dudes “Sex drive is too low” and “too much fighting” is absolutely the main reasons why we break up. As a matter of fact its the two main reasons that makes us say #1 “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Because when you break down a relationship to its most basic forms, its essentially one girl that you have sex with and one girl you spend all of your time with. Well if she doesn’t fuck and picks fights then you live your entire life sexless and fighting. Who the fuck would ever be “ready” for that shit? Also, number 10 should be more like number 3. Say what you want about us, ladies, but too hairy is absolutely a deal breaker. Because chances are your sex drive is too low and you fight too often, so the rare occasions we are happy and having sex are very important. And if you’re one of those chicks who doesn’t shave her butt, well then that sex is absolutely ruined. I hate to be crass, but heed my words, ladies – shave your ass or you’re gonna get dumped.
Meanwhile on the other side of things we’ve got women lying about the #1, #2 and #3 slots before they start telling the truth “too short” and “Don’t earn enough money for the lifestyle I want.” And in similar fashion to the mens poll, those two things are what comprise their #1 answer – there’s someone else. Not in the actual, real life sense. In their wacky, jacked up minds, there is “someone else” who’s taller and makes more money, he just simply doesn’t exist yet. He may be a character from a Nicholas Sparks books. He may be the dude from 50 Shades of Grey. Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum. Whoever. But in chick’s minds they will concoct some non existent dude whos taller and richer and better than you and then tell you “There’s someone else” because “there’s a figment-of-my-imagination-spawned-from-my-unrealistic-expectations that I’m holding out for” is too wordy.
Click after the jump for reason by reason analysis from KFC
Reasons guys are dumped -
There’s someone else – Just covered that. Chances are, if she’s banging you, there’s nobody else. She’s just hoping the Notebook comes true.
Our dietary habits differ too much – If some chick ever tells you this, kill yourself. Seriously just straight up kill yourself. This has gotta be code for “his dick is too small,” right? Like do chicks have some sort of secret agreement when you become a teen and start dating like “If you’re ever approached to do a study about why you dump men, say ‘your dietary habits differ’ if he has too small of a dick. That way we dont all look like whores.
Too high maintenance – You motherfucking lying sack of shit sluts. You know what kind of “maintenance” we require? Suck my dick and make me a sandwich. Is that too much to ask. Sidenote – if “maintenance” refers to how we all want to do anal, then I take back my previous statement. Thats a pretty lofty request, I agree.
Too short – Chicks fucking HATE shortness. Might as well be a leper if you’re short. Well guess what, skanks? We hate fatness. But we all make sacrifices, right?
Don’t make enough money – Don’t ever let me catch you complaining about discrimination and feminist bullshit if you’ve ever dumped someone for this reason.
You don’t make me feel attractive – Maybe you’re just not attractive, bitch. You don’t make me feel like an astronaut or a ninja, and those are the things I wanna be. But unfortunately we live in the real world.
Lack of punctuality – A chick dumping a dude for taking too long and not being on time is like a dude dumping a chick for watching too much sports
Lack of attraction – The fact that this is 8th on the list is proof positive girls are fucking insane. Should pretty much be number 1.
I don’t feel like a priority – Probably because chicks who dont fuck, fight too much and are too hairy aren’t high on anyones list of priorities.
Reasons guys dump girls -
I’m not ready for a relationship – Translation: you suck. I’m ready for a relationship with someone who just doesnt suck.
Bad Hygiene – Translation: your pussy smells. I’m sorry to be vulgar, just trying to keep it real.
I don’t feel like I’m a priority – Translation: you don’t blow me enough. Yea, I know we don’t go down on you enough either. But its a double standard, deal with it. Blowjobs com standard.
Too much fighting – Translation – Nothing worse than being that couple outside the bar drunk fighting while everyone is having fun. I hate you.
Your sex drive is too low – Translation: You aren’t kinky enough. Go read 50 Shades of Grey or I’m dumping you.
Lack of punctuality – Translation: You take fucking forever to get ready. I’ve wasted a cumulative 2.5 years of my life waiting for you to finish your hair and make up.
There’s someone else – Translation: The girl I always wanted to bang is available now.
Bad kisser – Translation: I’m not really sure this one is pretty gay
I don’t see a future with you – Translation: I’ve seen your mother. You’re gonna get fat.
Too Hairy – Translation: You’re too fucking hairy bitch!