This is exactly how I envision the Old Man And The Sea, by the way.
MIAMI (CBSMiami) — Doctors have released photographs of Ronald Poppo, more than two weeks after the homeless man had much of his face chewed off during an attack by so-called Causeway Cannibal Rudy Eugene over the Memorial Day weekend. Doctors from Jackson Memorial Hospital told reporters Tuesday that Poppo is awake and alert and showed a photograph of Poppo walking down a hospital hallway, supported by hospital staff on either side of him. It’s not known when the picture was taken. The photo shows the upper two-thirds of Poppo’s face covered in thick, bloody scabs. He’s missing his nose and both eye sockets are covered, one with gauze and one with what appears to be a skin graft. Doctors said Poppo is talking, doing well, and is very interested in the Miami Heat in the NBA Playoffs. He even told the doctors, “Go Heat.”
Go Heat!? Bro you just had your motherfucking face eaten off by a dude high on bath salts, and you’re sitting here like Good Job Good Effort Kid clapping it up for King James and his asshole buddies? Now don’t get me wrong, if I was faceless and on the verge of death I still woulda been jumping up and down when the Celtics lost. But now that that series is over, I think its time to go into serious depression/suicide mode. You think Oprah is gonna be donating money and prizes and covering the cost of surgeries for some dude rooting for that asshole Lebron and his cronies like Bostrich? For sure not. You were already homeless and now you’re faceless. Time to milk this thing for all its worth. I’m talking book deals, TV appearances. You can come on the Barstool Podcast as a guest if you want. Time to cash in. Don’t just sit there talking about the NBA Finals. Don’t you know they’re rigged anyway!
Click after the jump to see a full pic. No joke it looks the Mandelbaum son from Seinfeld with burnt pizza cheese on his face.