Barstool Sports

LezGetReal – The makers of Fleshlight (NSFW), the world’s number one selling toy company, extended thanks to SEAL Team 6 by sending the team a six case package of their sex toy Stealth. The name stems from the notion that the sex toy is very concealable and hard to detect – unless you are the one using it, of course. A Fleshlight, on the outside resembles a flashlight until you get to part where the light would be, there instead of a light, there will be a certain female inspired fleshy gadget. It doesn’t take much guess work to gather that the Fleshlight in a nut…shell is basically a hand held gadget to help men receive that titillating feeling that their own hand can’t scratch – or grip, for that matter. Brian Shub, COO of Fleshlight sent out this message, “We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts… For their courage, and the fact that they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts.” The Fleshlight even comes customizable to resemble the “kitties” of various female celebrities, your significant other, the other your significant other doesn’t know about or for you Area 51 fans – there is even an alien Fleshlight for your extra-terrestial needs.

Been getting a lot of emails about this with everyone is making a big joke like “Oh yea thats just what a bunch of Navy SEALS need, fucking fleshlights!” First of all, exactly what the fuck do you think a Navy Seal “needs?” I can’t fucking shop for my dad on his birthday or Father’s Day, let alone a goddam Navy Seal on his “Happy you-carried-out-the-most-talked-about-navy-seal-mission-ever Day.” I get my dad white button down shirts and ties every holiday, its fucking impossible. So before you go assuming that this gift is no good, just think to yourself, what would you get a member of the Seal Team 6?

Which brings me to my next point. I’m actually pretty sure this is exactly what I’d get them. What do you think just because they’re Navy SEALS they don’t wanna jerk it? You think just because they are trained assassins they wouldn’t enjoy a little simulated sex with a camouflaged pussy cylinder? I’m pretty sure thats fucking exactly what they need. These guys probably stay awake for like 7 days at a time infiltrating the most dangerous places in the world risking their lives every single second. I think if that were me the moment I got back to safety I’d need to relieve some stress, no?

Plus whats the true nature of a “gift?” Isn’t a “gift” really supposed to be something nice that a person wouldn’t ordinarily spend money on. Something they would probably deep down want to indulge in but at the last moment they say “noooo I couldn’t possibly spend money on that.” Well thats exactly what a Fleshlight is. You ask 100 men in America, if it were to remain 100% a secret and you didn’t have to go buy it yourself, would you want a fleshlight? Survey Says: fucking 100.

So, enjoy SEAL Team 6. Hopefully you are getting to fuck human girls as a result of your efforts. But in case you’re not, go ahead and put a hurtin on fake pussy tube.