NEW YORK, July 13 (UPI) – A New York woman said she is throwing a record-setting $250,000 wedding for her dog to benefit the Humane Society of New York. Wendy Diamond, founder of Animal Fair Media, said Thursday night’s wedding of her rescued pooch, Baby Hope, and Chilly Pasternak, a Virginia dog chosen in an online matchmaking vote, will include a $15,000 seven-piece orchestra, a $6,000 custom wedding dress and $5,000 worth of sushi, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. Diamond said about 250 humans and 50 dogs are expected to attend the ceremony, which will feature Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as a special guest. “It’s going to be the sweetest wedding — and just one of the funniest evenings ever,” Diamond said. “I never need to get married, now, because this wedding has everything.” Diamond said the affair is being helmed by Harriette Rose Katz, who planned Billy Baldwin’s wedding to Cheyenne Phillips. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Humane Society of New York.
Welp I’m just gonna go ahead and start preparing for the next terrorist attack. Stock up on canned goods and bottled water and batteries and stay underground for as long as I possibly can. Because this is the stuff that makes the terrorists want to bomb America, folks. I mean, fuck, I’m thinkin about bombing us after reading this shit. $15,000 orchestra. $6,000 dress. $5,000 worth of sushi. All to watch some dogs sniff each other’s assholes and donate money to more dogs so they can live better lives than like 99% of humans in the world.
I hope theres some sort of canine 99% rally at this fucking wedding. Bunch of stray dogs with no jobs and no homes show up to the Essex House just barking and shitting in the streets whining about how they don’t have it good enough.
PS – Safe to say Chilly Pasternak outkicked his coverage with Baby Hope. Bro clean your act up. You look like a goddam circus clown.