NY Post – An overprotective dad was so hellbent on setting his daughter straight that he showed up at her Midtown high school yesterday morning swinging a heavy chain with a padlock and demanding to speak to the principal. “Who’s f–king my daughter?” 35-year-old Michael Canaii (pictured, at his arraignment last night) barked at the HS of Graphic Communication Arts on West 49th Street, according to a school source. “He was yelling and complaining that his daughter was smoking weed and not listening to him, and he wanted the school to do something about that,” said a law-enforcement source. The hulking Canaii, who was wearing all black, also insisted on talking to his daughter when he first showed up at the school at about 9 a.m. “A man was outside with a chain. He was saying, ‘Where is my daughter?’ ” said a student. “He was swinging the chain saying, ‘I’m going to f–k you all up.’ One guy said something sly, and he took off after the guy and ran into the school.” Inside, he threatened to fight anyone in his path, the school source said. Security cleared the lobby and students were blocked from entering, the source said. But his only crime — besides alleged criminal possession of a weapon, menacing and pot possession — was caring too much. “[He] asked two students to take their stuff off and fight him in the lobby. He also asked security agents and a dean to ‘fight’ him as he was swinging a big chain around yelling, ‘No one is going to touch me,’ ” said the source. “He’s a decent father,” said Canaii’s aunt, Sondra Williams, adding that the teen lives with her mother.
Father of the year right here. Not even exaggerating or going for shock value. When someone is fucking your daughter, this is how you handle it. Parenting books will probably tell you to talk to her about abstinence until she’s in love. Maybe a chapter on encouraging protection. Well fuck those Daddy For Dummies books. Because I was once a young boy in high school, and you know what we are? We’re fucking idiots walking around with perma-boners. We believe stupid myths like having sex standing up won’t get girls pregnant. We’ll roll the dice and accept almost any consequence for a chance to get our bird wet.
Unless of course the consequence is Mikey Canaii. Guy reminds me of Ronny Turiaf mixed with the boss from Level 1 of Ninja Gaiden on Nintendo. When your face gets demolished by a padlock and you’re being strangled to death with a chain, you’ll realize that getting a handjob from this dude’s daughter was not worth it. Just like any legitimate law enforcement agency, Mr. Canaii knows deterrence is the key. If this guy’s smart he should go on these rampages once a quarter. Just a friendly reminder to all the boys of the school that if you even think about sticking your dick in my daughter I will beat you to death, and this is a demonstration to show you I’m fully capable. That poor girl is gonna die a virgin.