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Dwight Howards Chick

Paulina Gretzky

Sara Jean Underwood

Total Number of Votes: 29079

Dwight Howard’s baby mama really made some waves today. So I thought the only way to properly honor her is be deciding whether we’re fictionally going to fuck her, marry her, or kill her in cold blood.

I gotta marry Sara Jean Underwood. To me shes just on another level and she’s got that little hint of nerd to her. Actually, shes probably not a nerd at all, she just realizes that nerds probably like to jerk off to her so shes got that shtick going. But in any event, she seems down with the nerd scene. I need a chick thats gonna be cool with the fact that I still have 3 Magic: The Gathering decks. Marrying underwood.

Now dealing with Dwight Howard’s Chick (Thats her name by the way. Legal name. First name Dwight last name Howard’schick) is hard. On the one hand she’s BLAZING hot. A nuclear smokebomb. Ridiculous ass. Amazing body. Seems super slutty. Problem is she’s been impaled by the long dick of my arch enemy Dwight Howard. If it was ANYBODY else, I’m fucking her in a heartbeat. I’m talking anyone. Lebron could have fucked her. Pres could have fucked her. I wouldn’t mind sloppy seconds from anyone but Dwight Howard. But, I’m a man of honor and a man of my word. I have to kill her.

With Paulina Gretzky being my consolation prize. Best MFK ever. You can’t lose. You can’t 100% win really, but you can’t lose either

By KFC posted July 27th, 2012 at 2:59 PM

Top 2 Comments

26 comments Sort by Popularity Sort by Date

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by tr1d3nt on July 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm
You can't include Paulina Gretzky int his shit. You HAVE to marry Paulina Gretzky. Your father-in-law is now Wayne Gretzky. We already went through this. Stanley Cup luxury box tickets for life, any game, any city, anytime. Cash galore. You'd be a fucking idiot to marry one of the other two. Then you're left to obviously fuck Sara Jean. You can't pass that up. She's famous. Notch in the belt. Tell everyone you know. Post it as your FB status. Then you kill this other bitch. Easiest MFK in BS history. Get it together KFC.
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by asdfasdf1919 on July 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Definitely can't fuck dwight howard's chick. If that dude didn't do enough damage down there, what do you think it's like after squeezing out a 7 footers kid?
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by fuckyoueastcoast on July 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm
This is eassssy. Kill that slut Gretzky, Marry Underwood so u can have that ass forever, and just fuck that new slut on the block once.
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by Numero Two on July 27, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Marry Sarah Jean, Fuck Dwight, Kill Gretzky. I'm just going by looks and assets.
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by NYCYankeeHater on July 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm
M: Gretzky F: DH baby mama K: Underwood
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by tr1d3nt on July 27, 2012 at 3:18 pm
You people are nuts. Anyone who is actually married knows you marry Gretzky. Marry into gobs of money. Marry into fame. Marry into any NHL game you want to go to for the rest of your life. Marry into quitting your job and having your wife take lines of coke off your dick. Honestly, anyone who chooses to MARRY one of those other chicks just isn't thinking straight. YOUR FATHER IN LAW WOULD BE WAYNE GRETZKY. Come on guys.
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by pedroiahasaids on July 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm
that girl took dwight's nigger dick? i'm sick to my stomach
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by chillnlax on July 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm
I think trident wants to get fucked by the Great One.
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by 5MinuteMajor on July 27, 2012 at 3:39 pm
M: Gretzky F: DH baby mama K: Underwood
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by buffalo_bill on July 27, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Definitely gonna kill that race traitor whore that had Dwight Howard's baby. Fuck Miss Underwood's tight cunt and marry Paulina Gretzky for the cash in addition to her whorishness.
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by bigdww12 on July 27, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Marry gretzky, fuck SJU, kill howard's wife by fucking her to death
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by nightman28 on July 27, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Best MFK ever! I wouldn't touch a girl that D-Howard has touched, he's such a faggot that I couldn't be caught dead with his seconds. Tough decision between gretzky and underwood. I don't think you go wrong with either.
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by thadcastle40 on July 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I'd date-rape all three, then marry Gretzky and treat her like a queen.
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by Dino Bravo on July 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Gretzky/Underwood is a no-lose, so just flip a coin for marry/fuck. Kill the monkey maker, end of story.
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by slutnuts4 on July 27, 2012 at 7:21 pm
trident you sir are spot on
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by shooter_mcgavin on July 27, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Pat, how did a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
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by Pat Bateman on July 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Marry Paulina, no question, money, hockey fame, and you an forever go 5 hole on her. Fuck SJU, I would've married her until you threw ms. Great one in there. I'd give her the best 30 second downward dog of her life. Kill, DH's chick. But definitely touch her boobs post mortem. I wonder what her head looks like on a stick. /dropsmic
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by Pat Bateman on July 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Marry Paulina, no question, money, hockey fame, and you an forever go 5 hole on her. Fuck SJU, I would've married her until you threw ms. Great one in there. I'd give her the best 30 second downward dog of her life. Kill, DH's chick. But definitely touch her boobs post mortem. I wonder what her head looks like on a stick. /dropsmic
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by birds of war on July 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Kill Howard because she has fucked a black dude, Marry Gretzy because she is a smokebomb and she is obviously awesome, Fuck SJU because she seems like she'd fuck the best but is slightly annoying.
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by birds of war on July 27, 2012 at 9:29 pm
[b]WHY CAN'T I SEE THE FUCKING RESULTS OF THE VOTES?!?! FUCK YOU PRES[/b]
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by birds of war on July 27, 2012 at 9:30 pm
No, HTML eh? I see you. I also see the little B button now that I didn't see before.
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by Pat Bateman on July 27, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Sorry for the double post, I'm a couple martinis deep. Dorsia is crazy tonight #imnotsorry
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by Pat Bateman on July 28, 2012 at 1:01 am
Oliver people's glasses and Valentino suits
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by charliework on July 28, 2012 at 7:54 pm
It should be played that you can't fuck the chick you marry and you can ONLY fuck the girl you pick to fuck. Actually never mind, then everyone would just marry the fattest one.
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by Chet Guntslatherer on July 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm
solid logic KFC, I concur
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by SuperDave on July 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm
this would be easy if dwight howard's chick wasn't dwight howard's chick. actually that makes it easy as well. got to kill her as sad as that is as she is bonafide smokeshow. got to marry the great one's whore daughter and F' SJU.
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