Barstool Sports

MSNBC – When the economy goes sour, women stock up on products that can enhance their looks, a new study shows. The reason is that women, consciously or not, are seeking to make themselves more attractive to the dwindling supply of men with good jobs, researchers say. And in a bad economy, this suggests that companies selling beauty-enhancing products such as lipstick and designer jeans ought to hype the notion that with them you’re more likely to land a man, says study co-author Sarah E. Hill, an assistant professor of psychology at Texas Christian University. “We may not consciously think we’re buying them to make ourselves more desirable to men,” Hill says. “But our lizard brains go after these things even when we think we’re too smart to be lured in by manipulative advertising claims like, ‘these jeans will help get you a man.’” Hill and her colleagues got the idea to look at beauty enhancing products after she read an article describing the surprising success of Mary Kay, Inc., back in 2010 –  a time when the rest of the economy was tanking. To see if the so-called lipstick-effect was broader than just one company, Hill and her colleagues examined 20 years of data scrutinizing the relationship between unemployment rates and sales of products that could be used to increase attractiveness, such as cosmetics, perfumes, and designer clothes.  Sure enough, women who read the story about the tanking economy were more likely to want to purchase beauty-enhancing products than women who read about architecture. Interestingly, choice of reading matter made no difference to the men.

Welp, there you have it girls. Ironclad proof you’re all gold diggers. Thats not me talking. Thats science. And I’ll tell you what? I don’t hate it. I’m not even sure I want the economy to recover anymore now that I know girls are sluts when we’re in the toilet. Its like as the Dow goes down so do the chicks. I mean logically thinking, if guys had more money in their pockets, they’d inevitably end up spending it trying to get pussy anyway, right? Buying luxury cars and bottles at the club and making reservations at fancy restaurants because they’re engaged in a dick measuring contest with dudes everywhere, hoping the girl chooses to fuck them instead of the next guy. Well why don’t we just skip that part, everyone be poor, and let the chicks come to us? Not like I’m ever gonna be a 1%’er, whether the economy is booming or not. So I’d rather just sit here making a modest living while chicks everywhere degrade into streetwalking sluts because the supply of rich dudes is so thin. I’m reminded of the old economic proverb:

A rising tide lifts all boats…but if you can’t afford a boat in the first place its better that the ocean completely dries up and all thats left are sluts on the ocean floor willing to fuck anyone with a paycheck at all.

So in short – Obama 2012! 4 More years! 4 More Years! Obama/Biden = Sluts. Try beating that campaign slogan, Mitt.